Tommeh247

Nov 8, 2019 22:07

I think they mean a message that just says "hi"... just expand on it. Ask them how their day is going, or perhaps a shared topic of interest you might've seen on their profile... maybe just a random question for a bit of fun!? All 'hi' says is that you expect them to strike up the actual conversation.

LazyArtist

Nov 8, 2019 22:13

Ah because my usual message is "Hello, I'm so glad to see we matched up. I'd love to learn more about you" or something like that

LazyArtist

Nov 8, 2019 22:13

Ah because my usual message is "Hello, I'm so glad to see we matched up. I'd love to learn more about you" or something like that

Deleted User

Nov 8, 2019 22:26

Yeah, that wouldn't make me answer.
Hi or how's your day been is polite conversation, mention something from my bio that makes you interested in messaging. Tonight I've had hiya, hi your lovely, your a bit of alreet, then one with sexual nature.
I've not relied to them. Your lovely I nearly replied with you're*
Yesterday I relied to one who said they liked horror films and what was the last one I watched. This shows they read the profile and gives me an answer. Women get many more messages than men so you need to stand out.

LazyArtist

Nov 8, 2019 22:35

Oh believe me I do cater it to their profile if there's enough to go off of or we have a lot in common. I usually ask them about their interests or ifbthey're a gamer I ask of they'd like to share gamer tags. But even so I tend to get no replies

LazyArtist

Nov 8, 2019 22:35

*if they're. Sorry my phone has autocorrect disabled

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 00:08

Usually, I say hi or some similar conversational greeting, then bring up something topical on their profile, a band, film, hobby and tell them I find that cool or interesting or whatever, and try and build a conversation on that. Always try to ask a question. Short and sweet. Nothing aggressive or sexual. Just like conversation 101 in real life.

Of course, after that comes the part where literally no one replies to me... soooooooo maybe don't take my advice, haha! ¯\(°_o)/¯

Tommeh247

Nov 9, 2019 00:15

Aye, that's still kinda leaving it to them... aaaaand sounds a bit overly formal!?

Just relax a little and give them something to answer, and always remember that you can't win em all.

Newguy2019

Nov 9, 2019 00:31

Yea, ive seen all the dont say hi, dont say hows your day going , dont say hello etc: rules of engagement listed that you are refering to and ive had about the same results as you.
The right one for you will be interested in you and reply eventually.
.....Id rather be real and awkward than good at playing "the game".

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 00:35

Giving out details like gamer tags is on the lists of what not to do on dating sites. Catfish will try and get you off the dating page
Tbh on a site where men look alt that will be what catches the girls attention. You are competing with other men so make your message stand out.

I dont like it when men say they have a thing for alt girls, not saying you are but there are loads of trendy men wanting alt girl but not alt at all themselves.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 00:37

Real, awkward, and extra rambly

Newguy2019

Nov 9, 2019 02:08

^^ yes, .......even better!!!

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 02:33

Pot killing kettle seahag. Go play with your little Nazi friend on the other post.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 03:02

Hi.

LazyArtist

Nov 9, 2019 03:04

I suppose I am at a disadvantage being cursed with this baby face

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 03:25

That is not a curse! Use and abuse it.

atomicplaygirl

Nov 9, 2019 05:33

Tommeh and Lazy I think we women want a man who genuinely wants to get to know us. That means you need to ask us specific questions and you must retain our answers. Rainbow had good points.

Most often men just say hello how is your day going. Boring. But I will nicely go along for a few back n forths. I lose interest once it becomes clear the man is unable to play the volley ball game of conversation.

And I think this is as it should be. If a man truly has a spark for me then he is going to have an ongoing list of things we can discuss. It will come naturally to both of us. If he can't be bothered or just doesn't care enough......well imo that is the universe saying NEXT.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 06:41

Ive never been going at playing the conversation game. I actually hate small talk, but thank god there is someone talking to me now and i am getting experience with getting to know her and she is willing to help me.

Tommeh247

Nov 9, 2019 10:04

Yeah absolutely atomic, if I'm interested in someone ill get to know them, I've been stung by 'just pretty faces' before.
It can be a little hard to avoid cliches on a bare profile though.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 10:42

Guess the deleted user was our little ray of sunshine. We tried, but why post about depression them ignore the replies and say we ganged up on him. Imagine if hooli or rattle had replied to it!

Um moved to Mumbridge

Nov 9, 2019 11:26

I thought, given how this forum can be at times, everyone who responded to his thread tried to reach out to him the best way they could and he scuffed away, when he didn't get the answers he wanted.

He said he wasn't after pity, but it was clear he very much was. Maybe he was hoping a girl would flirt with him out of it. But what sane woman is going to seek that when hes speaking about and acting on self harm over the smallest bit of rejection? He needs a shrink, not a girlfriend.

atomicplaygirl

Nov 9, 2019 12:44

Due to his autism and Aspergers I think he feels things much more intensely than we can understand. He sees the world differently. I think when it becomes super intense his only coping mechanism is withdrawal and/or cutting.

Each of us here: go back and remember your first crush or a time when you just wanted to have your first gf or bf. But it just didn't happen. Take that pain/frustration add aut/ aspergers to it and multiply it X 100.

He made that comment about how people kick you when you're down. (cant rem his exact words). I got a diff meaning. I thought he was just extrapolating and agreeing w a general comment another person had made. And that he knew it was just a "life in general" comment not personaly aimed at him. Not that he was telling us that WE had done that to him. Or that we had ganged up on him and hurt him. Because we were all loving and helpful.

But when the tone changed I think he started to feel misunderstood and also it was too much stimulation. Too much noise. Sensory overload. I think he needs a period of quiet recovery.

Um Mum you have been esp precious and even motherly to him. I know that will stay with him. Everything you put in your new post was 100%. I felt leaving a comment there would be pointless because you said it all.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 12:55

Pretty easy really, I bother to read their profile, and make some comments related to it, if there's no profile I don't bother, if they can't be arsed why should I? I actually put something in my profile to check it has been read, and give an opening conversation for people.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 12:55

I had tried reaching out to him previously then he stopped replying. I tried again this week and his only reply was that we were ganging up on him.

atomicplaygirl

Nov 9, 2019 13:27

Rainbow he was writing to me too and just stopped. He did not write to me about feeling ganged up on. I know we are all worried for him. I am praying for him. Others are sending vibes. Or asking the universe to help him. Or begging him to seek medical help. With all of us wanting good for him....in our own ways....I believe he will get through.

atomicplaygirl

Nov 9, 2019 13:31

And I am sorry too RBow for you because I'm guessing this prob triggers a bad memory for you. I think you have experienced the helplessness of not being able to save a loved one from himself.

atomicplaygirl

Nov 9, 2019 13:33

Pls pardon me LazyArtist. I was way off topic but this seemed to be where we all are at right now.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 13:37

Go off their profile.
If they've mentioned a few interests or hobbies then pick one you want to talk about and ask about it. Ask what they feel about certain things within that subject and take a genuine interest in their responses and their own ideas.

If the person has no profile then they just f**k themselves over and miss out on the opportunity to make a friend or possibly partner.

Watch though and keep in mind. If all they're doing is answering your questions and not wanting to ask about you in return, just leave it. It's not worth your time.

It takes two or more to have a conversation. You're trying to connect with someone, not be an interviewer.

Weave humour into your questions and responses and don't be afraid to be who you are. Like if someone says "oh yeah I love drinking I have 20 pints every Friday night". If you're not a big drinker you don't have to play up and put on a front.

At least this is my obscenely basic grasp of anything to do with socialising, but I think it's alright!

atomicplaygirl

Nov 9, 2019 13:46

100% Spooky ⬆

LazyArtist

Nov 9, 2019 17:51

I am always sincere in my responses and I always try to ask them about their interests or ask them if they'd be up for a chat. I wonder if the way I word things it comes off as fake? I'm not sure.

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 18:17

It could to. It's important just to relax and not be too formal. In the past I've sent so many messages and not even gotten a profile view back, it's just their loss.

They're the ones who keep coming back on here after being heartbroken over and over.

But also no one HAS to reply to you or do anything at all. Don't expect anything, but you can be pleasantly surprised if you do get a response.

When you've gotten more experience in these initial opening conversations then it'll come much more naturally.

Finally, it's cliché but when the right person for you comes along then you won't need to worry about it anyway because it'll just work for the two of you.

Good luck

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 18:17

It could do*(come off as fake)

LazyArtist

Nov 9, 2019 21:11

Very true Spooky. A conversation requires two willing people and if the other isn't interested that's just their choice.

Still I think I'd prefer a "no thank you " yo silence

Deleted User

Nov 9, 2019 22:15

It doesnt matter how well thought out you make your message if your face doesnt fit. People like to pretend they like interesting messages to respond to, but they'll take one glance at you or your own bio and if either you or one small thing ticks the wrong box , you're toast before you know it.

Deleted User

Nov 10, 2019 11:13

True cactus. As we've seen its say one thing do another. Looks is everyone's top priority when meeting someone. They'll be the miserable ones in the end though

LazyArtist

Nov 10, 2019 17:07

Very true.

Deleted User

Nov 10, 2019 19:05

Usually a very pointed question about something they mentioned in their profile. General questions come off as lazy, but specific questions that show genuine interest tend to be decent icebreakers.

Deadsoul75

Dec 12, 2019 18:22

Doesnt matter what you say,most women judge looks anyways.

Deleted User

Dec 12, 2019 18:32

Says the man in a Fedora.....


M'lady!

Deadsoul75

Dec 12, 2019 20:07

Real mature

Deleted User

Dec 12, 2019 20:53

Are you saying most men DON’T judge by looks?

Deadsoul75

Dec 12, 2019 22:28

No it works both ways

Deleted User

Dec 13, 2019 00:20

The usual vapid bulls**t, i'd look at their profile see if they say anything.. If they do maybe reply with a hai i'm a bryce and go f**k yourself. "negging is a thing"

But i'd take a few points from the profile to make convo while asking a couple of questions and stating reasons i'm totally undatable. THEN laugh if they don't reply or one of us ghosts the other after a time.

Deleted User

Dec 13, 2019 01:04

Some one says hi or how are you, you reply hi or good thanks and then where does it go.
Normally just hi means it will be like pulling teeth to get a chat going.

Deleted User

Dec 13, 2019 01:58

There's this illusive anomaly that holds hands with coincidence, chance & probability. In most cases, just have a w**k.

Big sam

Dec 13, 2019 02:10

I normally say hi and ask them something about their interest normally , for example if the like games or films I ask what is their favourite game or film then go from there

Psychopatrish

Dec 13, 2019 03:07

I generally start off with something broad & harmless....

Like,"So, how many inches are you packing?"

Ya know, nothing too invasive.





Just kidding.


I almost never message first, so.....yeah. 👍

Newguy2019

Dec 13, 2019 11:09

^^^^^^Well,....i wear a size 7 or 8 shoe,......ya know, nothing to invasive!!🙄

If they dont like hello, or hi followed by a legit question about something in profile then that tells me all i need to know.
I seem to get alot of "hello how are you's" after asking a couple direct questions???
Also alot of no responses at all ???!!

Deleted User

Dec 15, 2019 21:41

I contacted a few guys, sending a nice message but they never responded. Would be nice to just get a quick reply, if only to say thanks but not interested.

Sceleratis

Dec 16, 2019 06:02

My usual opening messages very jovial and a very light introduction usually with a compliment I'm either taste in music or clothing occasionally tattoo art or piercings I don't go into it expecting a relationship I go into conversations based on the idea of friendship and the idea of advancement if things go well in the future

Deleted User

Dec 18, 2019 20:37

I don't message anymore. I never get a reply when I do. And I try to send a polite reply to anyone who messsages me, out of courtesy; but I've had a few nasty responses from people who took it badly. One even called me an asshole, because I said he hadn't read my profile. I give up. Can't win

The Dirty Rotten Imbecile

Dec 18, 2019 21:38

Atomic definitely understanda my suffering now. It is x 100 to 1000. We can't just get over it, and get help. Don't you think we've tried? Aspergers is famous for ruining relationships and connections. Sometimes instant gratification is the only way we can feel better...it's not us being snowflakes dude. It sometimes really isn't a choice for us, we have to fight tooth and nail with this thing to keep people interested in us and to stand out to the right woman. Mines just worse because on top of that, I think I may have pissed off a pagan somewhere down the line with that autism and had a hex put on me to make me do even worse with life. I wish I could be free of it. I don't know. I am venting a bit if I'm being honest and I don't mean what I say to people a lot of times. I just get off on bad reactions and suffering and isolation and I shouldn't be. Medicine doesn't help, Weed isn't free.

Throne of the Horny

Dec 19, 2019 10:56

I have tried a multitude recently of different types. Generic ones like "hi, how's it going" to ones including questions about the person's profile to ones that are provocative to get a reaction and then start talking from there. All of them have mixed results. In honesty it's difficult for a guy because out of those options different lassies want different types of first messages so you are kinda guessing what level of message they want and then some will find a provocative message funny (I tend to try and be funny) and some will find them creepy or even offensive. The worst messages back are the ones that have very little engagement back. So if I go "Hi, how are you" and you get "Good" it's hardly making an effort to keep the conversation going after I made the initial move in starting one.

TBH I tend to go with the "hi, how are you" now as there's not much point typing out a long message for someone who won't reply anyway.

Basically mate it's pot luck and I have no proper answer to help you😂😂

Deleted User

Dec 19, 2019 13:52

That’s interesting because the thing I see most commonly on ladies profiles is to NOT send a simple “hey” or “what’s up” message, because they don’t know what to do with that. You have to start with something that has the potential to lead to an interesting conversation, not something that merely initiates meaningless small talk.

Deleted User

Dec 20, 2019 00:04

I usually find key points of interest, some that are a common bond and other times initiate a conversation of something they like that I haven't heard of.

Deleted User

Dec 20, 2019 02:21

Something about how your ex is far more attractive

Max

Dec 20, 2019 03:53

people hate me & I quit sending the first

Deleted User

Dec 20, 2019 22:55

^I do think the Hunger Games are too close to King's premises in The Long Walk and The Running Man. The Long Walk is not something one can easily put into a movie though.

As for the OP question: I tend to skip small talk and delve right into the middle of a conversation