I think about terrible horrible things in hell like people burning in nosedives in excruciating pain worse than all combined human suffering. Genies who feel backward feelings that are utter beyond hellish. Clowns being tortured. So much more like melting everything and still being 50% evil in entirety. Feeling trapped with no way out. My brain tortures God and I am in anxiety, fear, and pain. I have starved to death, missed 3 weeks of consciousness, and then jumped off a building and cut my wrist. I take antipsychotics and mood stabilizers and contemplate the end of existence and all good and evil. I need someone to smoke cigarettes with, take CBD with, and take Klonopin with.