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Some issues I had on my account that I self deleted on Alt Scene and getting a break from the massive rolls on the internet. By the way, my account will be in the hands of the admins. My account hasn't gone through approval yet. So that means my new account could be deleted. So if that happens and if you see me booted from the website, then that means one thing and one thing only. That wasn't me that deleted my account, and that was the admins. So if I stay then you know the admins accepted my account. If I leave all of a sudden that means the admins deleted my account and simply that is all. Oh yeah, another thing that people might need to understand while reading my profile is this one simple thing. Autism people have feelings. There are some searches on the internet questioning if Autism people are emotionless/don't cry. Which is false, we do show emotions even though that might be extremely hard to do/but we can feel emotions even though that might be hard to communicate or express how we feel. I found this out when I did take a psychological test in 2020 because I'm applying for government benefits and I found out that I've blunted affect/monotone voice. A monotone voice means you're sounding robotic or there is no change or pitch in your voice. I do remember all the time my voice and my lack of eye contact got me into huge trouble. But this is when I was still being misdiagnosed with ADHD and I was misdiagnosed for 10 years with ADHD and being misdiagnosed for several years has caused severe psychological trauma. When I tell doctors this or people this the doctors or the person they've a very hard time believing this because I share no severe signs of ADHD. Even my sister's husband is shocked. My sister's husband says if you had ADHD you would be bouncing all over our house and going up and down the stairs + you wouldn't be sitting on the couch calming having a conversation with me. He also said and I really 100 percent believe in this he said Autism wasn't a thing back then because that wasn't. My caseworker said that everyone got called ADHD in the olden days which is true. No doctor until I was 13 years old ever thought I had Autism. Not one. Nobody in my elementary school and up even through JR HIIGH said I had ADHD. However, According to research this is highly common in Autistic people to not be diagnosed till teen years and adulthood. Now days Autism is easy to spot however. research has taken till 2016-2017 for medical doctors in the mental health department to tell apart ADHD vs Autism. None of my reports from 2017 and the the final one in 2020 did I get labled ADHD and the doctors are shocked that I was misdiagnosed for 10 years with ADHD LMAO. I should've told them your guess is as good as mine etc. You're going to have to research more to understand but blunted affect means it's hard to read emotions off your face, you're not making quick changes of emotions in your voice/facial expression movements, you make hand movements or gestures to get your communication understood/across and basically what this means is diminished emotional expression and also I do notice when I talk I sometimes move my hands etc. Flat affect is different from blunted affect btw. Flat affect means you show no emotional facial expressions and for blunted affect means you show mild emotions/there are emotions there being expressed in your voice/facial expressions. Some people think this is extremely rude and some people think our lack of eye contact is really disrespectful but those are people that don't understand Autism/call them naughty children. Which this has gotten me in huge trouble in the past/even my tone of voice got me in trouble. Because people thought I was being rude/sounding angry + my voice was trying to change notes/pitches but struggled. Many people were like stop being rude. Are you angry? Stop raising your voice. Stop yelling. My response was I can't tell the tone of the pitch of my voice/I'm not angry and this is how I normally talk. Anyways that's how Autism people are/I've looked at several places on the internet search bar and this is a huge common sign in Autism behaviors etc. For example if we feel uncomfortable around you/if we can't feel we can trust you and not a threat then we will look away and all over the place so we can feel more comfortable with our surroundings. But perhaps if you did research about this disorder then maybe you wouldn't find such things/or find yourself in an understanding mode that we're not being rude. We just can't simply help this disorder cripples us in this way. However just because I made that statement doesn't make us emotionless. We're just struggling/but we're trying to understand. If you don't know anything about Autism, well here are some quick facts before you do your own research. Communication, body language, emotional barriers and social issues are big signs of Autism complication. However I was told by my case provider that Autism is now going to be called Autistic Disorder in medical documents now because of this reason. So that the doctors won't get the variety of degrees of Autism left out. When my caseworker told me that I really was thinking in my wolf skull. Uh what? I kind of don't understand that but okay. One year the doctors had me labeled as someone with Aspergers, then on another exam I got labeled Autism and the final test I did was called Autistic Disorder. Uh okay? Why isn't there a severity chart then? If the doctors really want to keep this disorder where nobody isn't left out then the doctors really need a severity test like Autism scale 1 which would be for people that can't speak/non verbal then list their complications on a severity scale percent. Then Autism scale 2 would be for people that can slowly speak and make small sentences. Autism scale 3 for those that can communicate and speak in full sentences but has complications. I also believe that since all Autism people act differently the doctors should just give the diagnosis Autism percent rate to see how badly their Autism is affecting their daily lives etc. Because not all Autism people act the same and when I was told that the new term for the others I listed would be Autistic Disorder. I'm still just thinking okay. I don't know why you had to change this disease into 3 different names etc. I do have proof of this. However when I tried uploading my proof the admins of the website deleted them all. Therefore if you need evidence for some odd reason you would've to ask me because the admins deleted the images. If you would like more information about me then read the comments in my albums. Also my son and my sister that is a few years older me doesn't have Autism. By the way for reading my blog like I said you've to click on my profile picture and you will be transported to my albums and you've to click on the picture to see the comment. There you will find more information on the Leon S. Kennedy pictures there is a comment waiting for you.
I also have: Knock Knees (Genu Valgum) and I also walk with a sway and I drag my foot across the floor and what I mean by that is when I walk my feet just slides on the floor (not tripping on my foot) my foot drags flat on the floor when I walk. If you want to see a video of how I walk. That is fine. I wouldn't find that offensive. On my past account a few people wanted to see how I walk to further understand what I was talking about. Sometimes I also will raise my leg high enough so I won't trip sometimes. I can also become unbalanced easily and get very dizzy easily. I recently found out this year in 2022 that I've Knock Knees and possible Foot Drop. I never got this look at all my life due to unstable Medicaid insurance because my dad has always made too much money as a car part salesman and all the money went to trying to figure out what was wrong with my behavioral issues as a kid and mid teen and yes I walked like this all my life. Also I almost died as a baby. My cord was wrapped around my neck 3 times and I also didn't cry according to my dad as soon as I was hatched. My dad did say I did take a few minutes to start crying and what my dad was implying is I was unresponsive when I was born until a few minutes later I started crying. So I wonder if the lack of oxygen to my brain has caused permanent brain damage/is the reason why I walk like this and also Foot Drop could also be related to spine and brain conditions according to research. Also muscle conditions can also cause this and I recently found out Foot Drop is a serious neurological condition to have. The issue with this is I can't physically stand for hours at a time doing something. My ankles hurt so bad. I also have issues bending my toes and lifting them up. If you want to see my condition on how I walk or my ankles you can/ I don't think that's offensive. You want to understand my condition/that's the only way. I'm also hatched with pigeon toed which never corrected itself even with physical exercise, dance lessons and braces. Surgery was a no because there was only a 50 percent success rate that my feet could become normal again. Also due to the induce trauma I've had for several years in my life (I posted on my blogs what trauma I went through in my life etc because otherwise you guys wouldn't understand) why I've PTSD and MDD and Idk what this means? Manic Depressive Disorder? I do know the term is also called Major Depressive Disorder but I thought the term also meant Manic Depressive Disorder and I also got tested negative with w/o which means without schizophrenia or that other disorientated disorder that starts with a P. Basically what the doctors were getting at is my trauma was induced and I'm suffering severely from that. I've told my doctors on paper there is some trauma I simply can't move on in the past like my extreme bullying in high school/where only 10 people liked me in the school. I told them most of my trauma is induced. I didn't score a good GAF score, which is someone's mental illness rating. I scored a 47. A normal functioning brain is 70+. However this is just saying I'm traumatized. I also didn't test positive for Bipolar because my mood swings are normally monotone/I don't have extreme mood switches. My mood normally stays the same. The only time my behavior changes if my Autism sensory starts to overstimulate and that's when I start acting weird if I get overwhelmed with sensory overstimulation. I also have a borderline intellectual function disorder. Because in this era of time you can't call someone borderline mentally retarded like you could in the olden days. I struggle to keep information in my brain and academically I can forget what I've learned extremely quickly. For your info my son and my sister don't share any kind of academic issues. I'm the only one in the family with this kind of severe conditions etc. My sister is also the only person in the family that has M.S. in the family and nobody has M.S. and also my sister had no birth complications. I also never finished school which is also on my blogs on a horror story/why my psyche is shattered. My trauma is so bad I refuse to get a GED in person or go back to school the only way I would is online classes, so I don't have to be reminded of flashbacks of the bullying. For your info I was bullied when the bell rang from the start of the school all the way till school was dismissed for the day. I'm still suffering from affects from this even now in my 29 years of living. That's how severely affected I was by this etc. |