I'm crazy, you should know that before anything else. I work in a mental health facility, so I deal with crazy all the time. I've come to realize that the only people sane enough to function properly in this crazed and dying world, are crazy people. We have control of everything around you, everything you depend on to survive. The craziest people are usually the most intelligent people, and the most competent.
The most dangerous creature in this world is the man who has no fear. I fear next to nothing, which puts me in the top ten most potentially dangerous creatures walking this earth. I'm fairly reserved, quiet, until you really get to know me. But even then, I'm still pretty quiet compared to most. I have ways of connecting with just about anyone, which makes fighting a rare occurrence. However, if you threaten to harm (or actually harm) anyone I care about (which is a short list), I can and will explode with a force of anger that has been building up for several years now. I haven't been in a fight since 2008, which is when I started learning to suppress my anger in order to be a happier individual. But, if you push me far enough into that anger, you'd better hope you can out-run me, which is not likely.
Most people don't see it, but there is a deep and true beauty in the darkness around us. To bring that darkness into a new light is not a simple task. Many people in this messed up world will deny any connection with that darkness. But those of us who have accepted that darkness, embraced it fully, are learning new things about this world and this life that we might never have learned otherwise. I'm hoping to find and connect with other people who see these things as well.
I'm not like most people you'll meet. Though that statement gets tossed around a lot, many do not know what it truly means. I should not be here. I should be dead. I've died several times already, and I've come close to death even more times than that. I've been shot, stabbed, hit by 5 different vehicles, electrocuted and thrown off of a 12 foot ladder onto a cement floor, bitten/stung by more animals and insects than most people could imagine. People have tried to kill me, and somehow I'm still alive. The first time someone tried to kill me, the lit my car on fire with me unconscious in the back seat, the car parked on a dirt road in the desert of Arizona. I don't know how I survived, all I know is that I woke up on the dirt road 1/2 a mile from the car without a scratch, and no memory of who I was or where I was supposed to be. The last time someone tried to kill me, I walked away from his body, which to this day I don't know if he was still breathing or not. I assume so, considering I was never approached or questioned by any authorities, and since I hadn't seen anything in the papers or on the news about someone being found dead that night. And if that wasn't enough, I've tried to end my own life 5 different times in the past 7 years. But each time I've tried, I woke up the next day, unsure of how I had failed. At this point in time, I have come to the conclusion that I have some specific reason for being here, and I won't die until I figure out what that is. It could be something as small as being an open ear for someone to talk to, a place to vent, that may prevent them from trying to commit suicide. And that person may turn out to be someone of great importance. Or, perhaps I myself will one day do something of great importance. All I know is, I've slapped Death in the face several times, and yet I'm still alive.
I'm not looking for anything serious, because I have that already. Its complicated. I've been in an extremely long distance relationship for 4 years now. I love her with everything that is me. However, things aren't always easy. If at any point she feels that she "needs" to get rid of any built-up sexual frustrations, she can do so with whomever she sees fit, be it a man or a woman, its her choice. I'm okay with it. All I ask is that she remembers that I'm still here, that I'll never stop loving her, and that any "relationships" she may end up in should not be anything too serious. One day, she and I will be together. Until then, if she needs to get some release, I have no problem with it. That's all I'm interested in. A friend, with possible benefits, who knows that it won't ever be anything serious. Just two people enjoying a state of arousal and pleasure, who may or may not be good friends. I haven't had s*x in almost a year, mostly because I haven't been in any situations where that was a possible scenario. I do work a lot, so I doubt I would even be available for anything too frequent anyways.
If you are intelligent, have a free spirit, are dark minded, or have a dark soul... I'm also looking for general friends. Always.
~Syn~
https://www.facebook.com/neco.syn.3
