My name is Lucid.
Nickname: Jolie. (Because my friends told me I have full lips that are identical to Angelina Jolie’s).
Stage name: GOO GOO
I’m seventeen. I’m female.
I use Tumblr because it helps me feel less distant from reality. I constantly create this alternative reality in my mind because I’m afraid of actual reality. In my mind, I’m a different person, different hair, face, eye color, and life experiences. When I was younger, I sat in my bathtub thinking that if I died, I can wake up from death as if death was a dream.
This has also lead me to start speaking to people who weren’t there, which also caused some episodes of insanity. I feel that my mind is a bit strange and ambiguous, I can’t seem to understand how it functions or what it desires. All the posts you see on my Tumblr are thoughts that occur in my mind. My mom suffers from Hallucinations for quite awhile. She would hear, see, smell things that aren’t there. It hurts me to see her in this condition, no matter how hard life gets for my mom and I, I’m always there to help through her condition. She’s also my muse. Because of my mom’s hallucinations, I’ve developed this irrational fear of hallucinations. I don’t fear the dark, I fear that I might hallucinate in the dark. At times, I fear to sleep because I fear I might wake up blind. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, hospitals. It’s my favorite place ever.
I’ve been receiving psychological help due to my mood swings, depression, suicidal thoughts, cutting, intrusive thoughts and racing thoughts, and eating disorder. I converted to Hinduism and Buddhism because it’s great for my mental health (that’s also why I wear a Bindi) and it makes a lot of sense as opposed to other religions. I also want a Hindu wedding ceremony with that special someone in the future. I want to visit India for my spiritual awaking. I love Indian fairy tales, creepiness,gore, and lipstick (only shades of black and red). I love s*x hehehehe, I love my s*x rough. And I’m love S&M (Sadism and Masochism), ****, and Love Bites *wink*. I’m a vegetarian because I’m Hindu and Buddhist, also in order to lose sufficient amount weight. I don’t have a good relationship with food. I’m what you would call “strange” with food. I would even have skittles for breakfast. I’ve developed a BIG fear of gaining weight.
I have Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) where I experience social anxiety and shyness. I’m scared to talk to people fearing they might ridicule me, and I might embarrass myself in front of them. This has caused my frequent isolation from people. Not only that, I’m also a perfectionist, if things aren’t perfect this will cause me severe psychological distress. Since I was little, I’ve been hoarding, which is fearing to throw things away. My bedroom was cluttered with things I didn’t need but I didn’t want trash them.
