Life isn’t a journey, it’s a s**tty movie with a $5 budget written by raccoons on coke. Reality bends where I walk, chaos follows, and I’m the reason at least three therapists have considered early retirement.
Mayhem Enthusiast. Menace to Boredom.
Ask me about my San Diego bucket list. A few highlights:
- Racing shopping carts down a parking garage
- Sitting in on a random business meeting and seeing how long it takes to get kicked out.
- Going to a coffee shop, sliding a single card across the table to a stranger, and leaving without explanation.
- Convincing a mime to break character out of frustration.
If you’re looking for a predictable, normal person, I’m not that guy. But if you’re looking for someone who stares into the void and dares it to blink first, congratulations, you’ve found him. Let’s go set something on fire.
I'm looking for a fellow agent of chaos, someone who can at least pretend to be my getaway driver when I inevitably try to steal the Declaration of Independence (this is a joke. Probably.) We’re definitely gonna kidnap the geese in the park.
Reality is a suggestion. The only rule is to Commit to the bit.
