I thought I'd just try to write open and honest and to the point this time. Because I'm really too old for the level of nonsense that's common in the world now days.
I'm 33. I was raised in a cult of weak idiots. So I left as an adult, and the world was new to me. But I made up for it by getting to travel a lot. I been to Asia, central America and western and eastern Europe. I lived in Thailand for awhile, and Nicaragua when I was a Christian missionary for the cult.
Did disaster relief work after the hurricanes in the islands.
After I left the religion, I was disowned by almost everyone I knew.
Wasn't actually that bad tbh. But then I started going to college for the first time.
Ended up studying in psychology and arts and theater.
Ended up going on a study abroad trip to Florence Italy, and instead of going back to USA, The country that has really lost it's mind and become full of mishapen retards apparently, I decided to stay in Florence for awhile longer. Met an actual cave man from Austria. No, I'm not joking. And yes, he was as crazy as he sounds. And no, drugs were not involved. Me and him traveled all over Italy. Was cool. After that I traveled for many months, and ended up living in Georgia, by Russia. I made friends and started getting to know the world and become at least somewhat normal.
Just to find out the world is pretty f**king crazy anyways. Full of cults and scared people.
Studied with a f**king shaman prick for 3 years. Watched a bunch of movies and analyzed it like you would do a tarot reading.
Turns out I'm still f**ked up. But actually,
I'm not. And really, now that I know about the world and the people in it, I realize I'm actually quite sane. I'm lively. I'm kind. I learned the best of both worlds, left and right side. Christian religious values and liberated fun freedom. I feel like now, I live the kind of life The actual Jesus or Buddha probably lived and taught about.
I'm at a point where I'm pretty pissed off.
33 years and my area of relationships have been pretty small amount. You're free to ask me about it if you're interested in who and how many I've been with. I'm not ashamed of it. Just pissed.
People talking about wanting to get divorced and go live lives on their own or be independent, this kind of s**t. Well, I've done that already now. In many many ways that I guess most people don't get to. Most people settle their intentions to a 9-5 job, or college tuition and loans to pay off, stuck in the same country, married or committed to the same person they never even did well with from the start, and never even learned how to open up their wildest fantasies and dreams to come true.
And that wasn't me...
But, my life had one big sacrifice.
I never had my soul girl.
Maybe she came in glimpses and moments. But I never got married. Never got to be with her for long. And here I am, still waiting. The whole f**king universe keeps saying dumb ass s**t like "live your life without her. Don't wait"
Well no f**king duh. I have already. Been doing so.
And I'll tell you,
Now, if I have her,
I can't travel to Italy or Thailand for the first time with her and share that energy in the moment like it's the first time we ever saw this. It will be mundane to me. I f**king hate that.
Can't share Georgian wine (better than Italy's) and eat a khachapuri for the first time and get fat off from it with someone special.. I've already done it on my own. Went to mystic festivals and camped below the stars, and saw the whole universe unveiled. And I did it alone.
So no. I don't want to hear that s**t. I've already lived my life on my own. I'm waiting for the special girl who will see past the world's bulls**t stupidity, and just f**king trust me. Go with me, anywhere I go. Hey a f**king Snow Leopard as a pet if we want. Smoke weed on one day, and go to a random castle looking church or temple on another day, just to amuse ourselves at the architecture and giggle to ourselves at the religious people trying to convert us; knowing they never will)
I'm looking for my girl. And anyone that isn't interested in something deep, dark& light, and full of color, doesn't need to even say a word to me.
I'm free. I'm fun loving. I'm simple, but I'm also deep. And I'm tired.
I'm waiting for my girl. Not someone who even used the phrase "body count". Not someone that was dumb enough to be married to the same toxic person they didn't love for over 7 years.
Not someone that is either left or right, because any smart good person should now the answer is somewhere in the middle.
I'm not looking for someone who is desperate to have children. I really don't want to have kids . Id rather travel and create art together. But if it happens by accident, I don't want someone who will run away and hide that responsibly. I want someone with good f**king morals. It's not f**king hard to be a good person. I don't want some vanilla that isn't even ready to train her throat to go the whole length, or her ass to be f**king gaped the hell out of.
I don't want some idiot that can't see there's more to life than the material. I don't claim to know it all with God and stuff, but there's definitely something super natural to our reality. And I've seen it. I know there is. So if there's an athiest reading this and you are interested, then yes, we can both agree God is not some bearded dude in a cloud with a magnifying glass burning us all day. But you gonna have to open your mind to see more. Cause I'm not about to sit in a room talking about f**king crypto currency as our "deep talks". No. Spiritual things is important. Doesn't have to be about religion.
And I'm not liking for someone who won't take care of their body and health. I do for myself. And it feels better in life to. And whether you like it or not, being healthy and looking pretty is more attractive than not. So if you enjoy such things on your own, there's nothing bad to what I just said. After love comes, everything else is a bonus anyways. But I do want those bonuses.
Because I know that I've earned it.
I've went through a lot of s**t in this life. And I didn't go through it as some selfish, spoiled brat idiot. I went through it like a soldier thrown into a hell. And I built a goddamn conscience and a heart. And everyone would look better to have this too.
So I know,
I'm probably not gonna find any girl with a profile like this, and with my background. I'll most likely go through this life alone until I shoot myself. But oh well. This is me.
And if I find the girl that matches my own soul, then I'll know for sure, she's one of the best catches of all time. And I'll treat her so great in each and every way she could imagine. Id be her f**king drug, and she will be mine. And no guilt added to it.
If I message you,
I know every girl out there is hoping for some original message in a one liner. But no,
I'm just going to say something honest and basic. Because that's how you f**king greet people you've never met before. If you don't like it, you can move the f**k along or stop talking with so many ass holes. Deep, good and true "talks" come later. Not to start. If I say "hey" that's your que to start talking. And you can ask me anything, or I'll listen to anything. It will be good.
Aside from this f**king monologue;
I just want someone to watch old anime, Samurai movies, and a lot of other movies and series online or in person with.
Really been into Near Death Experience stories lately.
Been in love with Berserk storyline. Never watched it as a kid. I think I've come up with the perfect ending to Berserk.i want to draw my own manga for it.
I want to have a barn owl one day and call him Dr Hoo
Poemia: palewriter
Instagram: shadow_thoughts_v
Spotify list: Valcor.
My favorite noise: brown
