29 - Straight

New Hampshire, United States

May 22, 2022 11:53

''You could and the world would be all the lesser for it. I hated drawing power from the dark dimension but as you well know, sometimes one must break the rules in order to serve the greater good.''

Fun fact before the drama feast starts: I've blocked myself on here. I've reached the highest form of self hatred. Yei I can still message/edit my profile. The only thing that happens is disabling photo comments lol.

⏰ Disclaimer before reading my profile and this profile has been updated May 4 of 2022 and read this first and foremost. Because I've honestly had enough of these certain problems and can I ask people something? I think I need a trophy reward or achievement award for being called crazy, insane, psychopathic on here and are the name calling really necessary or deserved because people don't even have a conversation with me? I personally don't think so. Also I think people need to look up and do some research of the word psychopathy. But I personally think that Autism doesn't mean you've psychopathy behavior. That's really shameful that people really treat Autsim people like dogs or animals that need to be put to sleep. What is even more painful the government will also automatically flag you as mental disabled because you're diagnosed with Autsim. Which that is just sad. Most people when you tell them you've this condition besides name calling you with this behavioral problem of psychopathy will also assume this. Many people think you can't take care of yourself and you can't do anything. What a disgrace people think this way. Also damps my lackluster for humanity's self failed civil behaviors. But I forget. People can't be kind anymore. People have to be judgemental, violent and spiteful now days. Also I never murdered anyone so I don't think I'm psychopathic. I mean psychopathy to me is you've to have at least murdered someone or attempted to murder someone. Just because my profile is creative, I do spiritual poetry, one of a kind personality, I believe in the many and authentic doesn't or should flag me with an automatically sign give me the label and let's say I believe in Japanese folklore then what would you say to me? Are you going to say I'm psychopathic? Haha. So judgemental people are on here. Have a conversation with me for a whole week and then decide. Not just having 0 conversations about me. But before I go onto that rant. I've something to discuss which is pushing me way beyond psychological and having stress going on. I think I need to start praying to the gods and demonious that I follow + the Abyssal when I log on here anyways you guys should listen to the All Chase Themes Of The Clock Tower Series (Well Almost) on YT while reading my profile because that will make you feel all better and I'm sorry my profile is unnecessary long I had to type out two paragraphs of questions and answers that people had issues with about me being on here. My profile would've been a lot shorter if I didn't have to do a question and answer marathon ⏰

🍭 My profile causes a lot of life crisis for some past users. People legit had mental breakdowns after my profile and what I mean by that is this one thing. I can tell someone hi and they will say you're psychopathic, insane, unsafe and other words like that and please if you're going to inbox me those words please note this one thing. I've been bullied all my life in high school due to the way I walk and apparently half of the school said I look like a rodent such as a rat or a beaver. So please trolling has no effect of me and you can't harass me off this website. Because I'm about to be 30 next year in March and I'm not going go far away within a few months to because of harassment and oh I never finished high school but I explained my horror story in my blogs which is why that is also important to read my blogs and still till this day some people stare at me in public. Because I walk with a tilt/sway and my knee slightly turns in when I walk and possible this could be another reason why people stare at me and that is. Because people might have a problem that I'm pale as a ghost and also my skeletal structure of this vessel is lanky and also fun fact. I almost died as a baby. The cord was wrapped around my neck 3 times almost strangled me to death. I also did take about a few minutes to respond after the doctor freed me from my strangulation according to my dad when I shot out like a bullet that I was unresponsive for a few minutes and I didn't cry right away 🍭

🍭 Here are some inbox messages I get ever so often and I'm going to do a question and answers to the most common inbox messages I get. Keep in mind that I don't get them everyday there can be long periods where I don't get trolled at all and this is where my profile gets really long because of questions and answers 🍭

🍭 People claim when they message me they can't clearly see my face like I guess what they're assuming that they can't make out my face I guess? They also say my eyes are hard to see in the pictures? I don't know but that sounds creepy lol. I mean just think of messaging someone saying I can't clearly see your eyes in your pictures or your face in pictures. Lol okay 🍭

🍪 No, that is incorrect. Because if you say I don't have any pictures but one that shows my face and eyes. You're just lying to me to provoke me to get angry. The very first album I've when you click on my profile picture there the very first album cover has my face clear as day on there. If you want me to push my hair back that is a no. I've never posted a picture of my hair in a ponytail or my hair away from my face. That's not how I'm and I'm not going to please/appease people because they're unhappy with something about myself. I've done that before to appease others in my younger years and I've suffered severe psychological trauma from that. Why? Because I neglected myself and the many (this is way before I became a spiritualist and I couldn't harness the zen grasshopper or the chi) and I cared about appeasing people's needs and I totally forgot myself and the many in the picture. However in the next photo album HAS TONS OF pictures where you can clearly see my face which is 👹👹🦇🦇🐺⚰️☔⚓🌊 album and I'm also holding a ramen cups in my photo and even that should be enough proof that I'm not fake. The next album that has the most pictures clear as day of my face would be this album. Because that’s just me and you know that will always be me because no Japanese ghost vibes no pictures things must speak this way lol and this is the FINAL Album that has tons of pictures and that is. Of ''MANY'' that album I've taken those pictures around April something of 2022. All the pictures that are on my album have been taken in different months of this year. I also don't care about selfies. I will take one every several months and post them on Instagram because I feel it's not a necessity to post what I look like often 🍪 Why do you take pictures of your face like that in those angles? I don't understand why you're taking pictures like that. Your pictures make no sense. I also don't understand why you won't take a full on frontal selfie? This also isn't a problem/haven't been asked why I don't smile in pictures. But just in case people want to know why I don't smile in pictures I will put that down on my profile so people won't ask that either on top of everything else people are asking me about on this website etc. But first let's start about how my profile pictures look based on origin shall we 🍪 However, ever since I've been here since last year in fall people don't understand that my profile pictures are based off of Japanese folklore ghost the Yurei, looking ill or sick or you can say a drowned look (all reasoning is spiritual purposes) + if you want to know why my hair cut is influenced besides the ones I just recently listed that go a different route here you go etc. If I had to pick a non-Japanese folklore then that would be Jennifer from Clock Tower and Claudia Wolf from Silent Hill if her hair was dyed black and if you've no idea who I'm talking about then Google. You shouldn't complain about Googling this because if you can't Google something because that takes up your own free time then you really have some serious mental issues if you're upset that you've to do some research and if you still can't see the influences well you're just beyond help that's all I've to say on that paws note etc. I've several reasons why my hair looks the way it does, my eye poses, my hand poses and light head tilt. But if you don't know Japanese folklore or horror video games then you're not going to get my pictures and that is plain obvious. But you made yourself frustrated and not me + don't get mad at me when I say you call every single girl you talk to and call them beautiful, hot pretty, cute and adorable etc because I know you copy and paste that and send that to every girl on the block etc But please, if my profile really frustrates you then you got some serious problems like bad. Just because I've nothing to say about you or anything about your complement besides just saying okay because I personally don't have to say thank you if I don't want to doesn't mean you've to get all aggravated over such things and also if you're going to be a 12 year old and say can I've a selfie everyday you will be ignored and possibly blocked. I don't have to send a selfie if I don't want to. Also you want to know something that is interesting fact? As a woman I never think about selfies everyday. I don't think about them. The first thing I wake up and think about besides my obvious response my son. Where is my cat? What time is it? I'm hungry. LOL. If the first thing you wake up to is I got to take a seflie right away. Then you've some problems lol. The only thing girly about me is I like glitter, sparkles, cotton candy colors and perfume and that's all. I lost faith in humanity when the selfie stick was invented lmao and I further have no comment on this either and I just might have a haha and that is just all I've to say lol and also the way to my bestial heart of the demonious is to text me about Doctor Strange hours or video games or my hobbies. Because my looks I will just fall asleep! Haha 🍭

🥨 Not an aesthetic reasoning 🥨

🥨 This is what I look like in real life and what you see in my photo is what you get. The only thing is fake about me and well I really can't say fake because nobody has told me that my box black hair dye looks fake online or in person. But I dye my dirty blond hair black for spiritual reasoning and if you care to know you can ask yourself. However the reason why I don't get my hair done in person is because my hair is about $80-100 for all over single color. Also I wear no makeup and what you see in the photos is my natural skin color. I only use a face scrub or I will use cleanser or a facial wipe for my face for cleaning my face and I use regular non tinted sunscreen and what I mean by that is there is foundation out there that has SPF in the color tinted foundation. Yes I use sunscreen even indoors as I notice when I use sunscreen the pimples get smaller and if you think that is weird that I notice that then okay then. I also don't take side pictures or any pictures that are close to my jawline as I've hormonal acne. Another reason for the lack of photos besides perverts is I also don't take a lot of selfies but every few months on IG because I really hate how my skin looks. I'll never be able to afford like my sister can, which is a $400 dermatologist so that's not my problem. My sister said when she went (she is older than me by a few years) and isn't on this website or she doesn't do online websites) she said hers cost $400. Also all the females in my family all have skin issues. All of the females have Rosacea and my sister spent $400 at a dermatologist to see if she has Rosacea and she got told she did have Rosacea and she found out in 2022 when she told me. I also try to keep my mouth shut in my own pictures because I've dental problems due to extreme poor hygiene when I was a teen due to induced into deep extreme depression/mental decline and severe bullying in high school I started not to care about my well being and hygienic health and one prime example is I used to scratch and pick at my face from stress. You can clearly see the scar damage from my face with tiny micro holes on my skin and most all over my face etc. You probably can't see the scratch marks because I really never dug in my face really hard. Because I would scratch a few times then go picking. I would normally pick at my face instead of digging. Normally I would scratch a few times at my face then start to pick at my face. I also had hygiene issues as well beyond this and I've an overbite which is genetic in our family line and also if you think this isn't a good or a real enough reason for you on why I don't take a lot of pictures then that is your own problem and if all you're worried about is how someone looks in their pictures you got some serious mental issues as well. Because you need to be worried about other things in life than how someone takes a photograph of themselves 🥨 Which brings me to another question I've that I need answers to Do people even look at my photos and Google the characters or the Yurei to compare and contrast my photos? I guess nobody ever has 🥨 Another thing before I go onto my profile about me, which people are still having an extreme issue with this one thing only very few people understand this. People ask me sometimes do I expect people to read my blogs to get to know me better? Yei ,of course I do. If you don't want to read my blogs on your own free time whenever you're not busy then don't bother talking to me. That is an insult to me. Do you really think I made 10 blogs just because I was bored? You're a massive joke if you think that. Who in the right mindset makes 10 blogs about themselves in many areas for fun? Lol okay. My blogs are personal to me and I want people to know and accept me after reading them. If this is a crime to you then there is no need to keep reading my profile etc. I can see if my blogs are a problem if I forced you to sit and read all in 10 sittings but I never said that  and also since a lot of people are obsessed with the physical body if you can't clearly see that's what I'm not into or can't grasp that then you probably shouldn't message me and I also walk imbalanced and I might have some gait issue. I've a lot of physical health issues. Which are further discussed in my blogs. But anyways on that final subject if you don't know how I liked to be courted then that is a danger sign of you not grasping my profile and you should exit out quickly 📝 I wonder if people would think of things this way. What if you had a creation and people denied, rejected and laughed at your creation etc? I'm sure you would feel disrespected just as I would. So saying that I've no right to feel disrespected and is laughable then okay you can go along and think about that yourself and not tell me by an inbox message okay 📝 Here is a small example before you reading my blogs and you're going to have to Google these yourself and I also don't mind showing you a video of my condition. All you've to do is ask. Anyways I recently discovered that I've foot drop and you probably need to click on a YT video to understand what this is etc, I also recently discovered that I've knock knees which looks like mine are severe. Because Google says knock knees shouldn't cause any pain but severe cases cause limps and walking issues which I've. However I've had pigeon toed ever since I was hatched and mine staid permanent. I also walk with a sway and imbalanced like I said in the text above this small paragraph. I will update more medical info on my blogs on the update section. However for the foot drop and the knock knees I've found out in May sometime this year in 2022. However my Medicaid provider doctor thinks I've a limited neurological response or my muscles couldn't be responding with this limited neurological response all together. But from what things are sounding like I've a nerve and muscle problem from what I'm understanding. I'm waiting for a referral for a orthopedic for a MRI scan and a neurologist. Here are examples what I deal with everyday. Both ankles hurt badly but the right hurts the most, I can only manage to physically stand for 45 minutes before switching my weight off another leg, my knee joint hurts but not the cap of the knee and what hurts the most is the joint because I feel no pain in the cap of the knee and also I should input as well that the right knee joint hurts worse than the left, my right hip hurts worse than the left and I also notice the pain is uncomfortable but not screaming crying pain but uncomfortable like I want to give out if I stand longer than 45 minutes and I notice when I raise my leg all the way up that is highly uncomfortable and not fluid once so ever on my right hip when I bring my leg down etc and feels really weird and you're free to ask for updates but I plan to make a blog just for updates only so that way people won't have to go through a wall of text of the physical health blog that the person already read etc 📝 What seems to help is an anti inflammatory supplements and let me go on one more other topic before I go on my final rant. I also should say don't respond to xxx, love, hun, babe and really anything like that and you will be put on block. Also I can move my head around in a video clip and send it to you if you would like if you think my photos are fake but then again why fake? I got one more year till I'm 30 years old and I really see no entertainment value in myself to fake anyways 🍔 I just can't believe my photos has caused people to be very upset over the photos that I posted on my album and seriously I've had enough and I might need to start praying when I come on this website and log in for real this seriously has gone to far and I will not give you my cellphone number. Being a stalking victim several times several years ago no thanks. I also don't like phone calling. If this is a problem for you then don't add me at all 🍔

🍕 Last rant that people are failing to also understand on my profile 🍕

🍏 Do people even comprehend this? Guess what dear readers here is an answer to end your torture on my profile did you know this simple fact? You don't have to read my profile if you don't want to. What part do you 100 percent simply not understand? If you're skimming or even scrolling through my profile and you feel my profile is too long then please don't say and I really mean this don't say 0 and anything at all. Another issue that is coming up on my profile is that people think that I need a mental diagnosis? Seriously? Who do you think you're an licensed psychologist? Also someone tried to question if my young prince/son is doing okay or is worried about him. Excuse me? This harassment has gone too far after that. You know what I think? You've nobody else but to blame but YOU for torturing yourself with my profile. Because all you had to do was scroll -> see the length of my profile and exit out but you continued on my profile then started an assault. Just why? I'm quite mind boggled and so are other users that I've chatted with that they don't simply understand why people don't exit out. What I don't get at all is this simple thing that bothers me and digs into my wolf skull. People don't like authentic made profiles? I guess people don't appreciate it and see it as a sign of psychopathic or insane behavior. But to let people know one thing before reading my profile. If you don't like creative profiles, profiles with riddles, profiles with high morale and moral logical thinking, psychological, metaphorical and things like that then don't waste your time. Several people suggested after reading my profile that I need to change my profile or get a mental diagnosis and my son is poorly taken care of. Once someone talks about my son like that, be prepared to be roasted. I've been on here since last year and my block count is over 60 + due to harassment over a profile, being different, being unique, being myself and down right creeps. Another thing people will be blocked if you think Loki is evil. Please do your research. He is a mixture of Chaotic and Lawful a.k.a. Chaotic Lawful. He is a mix bag which doesn't mean he is evil. Also don't  even message me if you've an issue with the word dingle-berry, dingle and dongle. I give nicknames to everyone. So get over it. Yei, a few people got extremely upset over these nicknames. Which is extremely hilarious and embarrassing a person got upset over something just a simple as that. Lol. Haha. Anyways the reason for friends only is because I don't think there is hope for me out there for a date. So I'm kind of just hanging out in the Abyssal Shoreline just letting the currents take me. I guess this is just what I thought of and therefore still think that way that there is 0 hope for me out there. People still till this day and some users are asking what I'm looking for. What part do you not understand in this sentence? A new interesting topic that has come up to people is assuming that I'm forcing my one day future boyfriend to be dark and evil like me and I can't date someone on the right path and light rank/class. Uh excuse you? Where on my profile does it say anywhere I plan on fixing or changing my boyfriend's belief? Where do you see that? I'm still looking and I don't see what you're seeing dear readers. The answer is this. Isn't this obvious? I don't see that anywhere on my profile. Okay more assumptions as always and just because someone does spiritual poetry doesn't make them psychopathic and insane. Blocked. However some people also get mad at my late replies. But if you're waiting longer than 15-30 minutes for a reply that means I'm either asleep, busy and the last one would be co op gaming on my Switch Lite. So calm down. You will get a reply back. I do delete people however if all they can do is reply every few days because what is the point of having a conversation or a romantic interest? Because there is none that's why. Also if you hate cats and if cats make you extremely mad and aggravated then also don't chat with me either. I also have Luigi Mansion and that's all the co-op games I've. Also Super Smash Bros Ultimate online mode for co op is horrible The arena idea is just down right stupid. But let's be friends and also don't skim my profile because I can tell if you're trying to dodge reading my profile and remember looks are fabrication and the best torture you can do someone is self torture their psyche and abuse their psyche because that's how monsters and I.D. crisis are born + not only that being denied help in multiple aspects 🍏

☕ Before adding information on my non rant profile did you know this silly fact? You can add yourself here, you can block yourself here, you can wink at yourself here and you can talk to yourself here. I'm not joking one of my friends sent me a IG clip of him adding himself to his account and I almost was in tears ☕

🍵 Only then can you ask Beelzebub, Abyssal, Loki, Cthulhu and the offspring for help and cry out. When your looks won’t save you. Or you’ve no spiritual belief to save you. You better hope your morals or morale is in good shape. If not then you must enter Black Water training and let the ooze go over you like a waterfall. After all, lack of temperance of the soul, spirit, spirits, will and your all over well being status is deadly if none of those are tempered because you’re so fabricated on someone’s looks. After all what I believe in, even compassion is a dying art in its own league 🍵

🇧🇷 Brazilian Thunder Blanka 🇧🇷

💐 As anyone that follows the demonious remember this If you don't have morale or moral standards then you can't say you follow because morale and moral standards are always important to the demonious just as the faith, respecting their court and the pillars of them  Another motto by mine is Never ask for forgiveness if the moral or morale standard is unjust There is no need whine and bark at society either  If a man is dating me he must respect this idea + I'm just asking for acceptance not to change my boyfriend 💐

💐 Beelzebub the kind man  Fatherly figure, protection wards, authority and business 💐

💐 Only the demonious can help me now 💐

💐 But finish deciphering my own riddle love to know your responses  and there is no really wrong answer. Because you tried and not complain because there is a difference + I had non spiritual people try taking a gamble at my profile so that means so can you do the same + I noticed people have an easier time with my riddles if the person says them out loud etc also speaking of spirituality my boyfriend has to be accepting not spiritual inclined yet again two different meanings 💐

🏵️ First riddle up and there is a few riddles on my profile then we will go onto random things about myself if you don't like riddles then I guess don't waste my time on my profile then? That way you won't induce yourself into a mental breakdown 🛥️

What makes us “I”

Float above Black Water.

Somewhere in the sleeping Lost City

Someone is dreaming.

And those eyes must pierce the soul of the “mirror”

I to want to dream along with “HIM”

Soon he will come.

But for now the Wet Crow that will arise from Black Water.

Dreaming of you and my homeland.

Deep in the Abyssal.

Dream city.

If you've guessed Fatal Frame incorrect, all my spiritual writings were already made up before I knew about FF and I also didn't take, steal, use, copy, paste, warp other people's work into my own and what you see is my own creations made by myself.

Another riddle us up and also these are based on the planet's personality traits and that is the only hint you will get and I never did a chart before. Just the planets personality traits will give you a hint about myself as a creature/metaphorical sense too know me better.

My heart soared in Jupiter.

My mind is Saturn.

My home is Neptune.

🌷 New riddle coming your way

So he says you damn snake the snake tongue and the wolf skull, wondering Rabbit in the evergreen forest full of smell of Juniper, the golden weaver orb fell from the trees and the cracks of the spider masked showed, there she was formed by the Black Water and for she was covered in black ooze. The hare ran in fear, for the hare started to change into black. As he formed in a water morph he stood there in the shrine next to the wheelhouse above the waterfall where Rabbit's shrine resided. He stood there waiting for his friend at the Waterfall Shrine. Having fond memories of teaching her water alchemy. For he the Rabbit transformed into a man in front of her with very long black hair sitting in the shrine. However a vision of the Abyssal showing in her beast slits that something was amidst from far North of the mountains as his father’s shrine burned down. In a rage she asked someone to hang all the wronged judged burned at the stake for she returned to Hell and her empty throne was there the King’s Robes Beelzebub covered the empty throne as Bel held the bestial cards in rage for harming her friend the Rabbit for she ran to the West feared of the East gates of Hell she shouted a auratic burst from the high clock tower of Hell. There she handed Asmo a demonius fruit apple as she was his friend as he had many animals were close to him. I looked at his head full of curved horns and two heads of animals and he grinned at me with very razor sharp fangs. You defended my homeland and rebuilt my temple with the enchantments of the Abyssal. Your offer is my protection from those nasty reptilians. You owe me not only your life in Hell but all I ask is for you to run free with “SPIDER”

▽ Another riddle is making some waves ▽

People live in a sin called vanity. Self obsessed over looks and what someone looks like. But that's when you know you're fragile yourself. Preying on the weak and those that seem weak like yourself. You think looks are the reason why you chat with someone. Which you fail to understand looks can easily be shattered. You also fail too see like me with these wolven eyes of mine that the best torture you can do someone is shatter their self image and watch their psyche crack and their vessel ''burst open'' how beautiful. What should matter most is ideals and the will of the true wolves and Loki and ''OTHERS.'' But it also doesn't matter what size the wolf is. As well as even if you're a small wolf or a little wolf or a small wolf mother as long as your ideals are recognized by Loki and keep his will close to you and your heart making your heart and will intact with purity then all isn't lost. Nothing but cornered rats. Wouldn't matter if I was a wet little wolf mother looking at the storm and sea the last thought I would have is of ''YOU.'' and Loki's will and feeling of Loki's only daughter the only thing I could think about if I was a ''wet little wolf mother'' that Loki can carry me and I can only see the blur of the seaside. Not only that even if I was a cornered little wolf mother with a dagger held up like one of those ''cornered rats'' I would still hold on to his will and his ideals as one. Opening the beast slits to black with shards of yellow, if I had a secondary in the wet cold shores I would hope the olden wolf would be there so I can crawl in his fur and go into dream city. Ah yes a dreaming wet little wolf shaking cold ''fragile'' the ''prey'' but yet the wolf sees all and even hears the eaten roots of Yggdrasil and the shores of home of serpentine son of Loki. Water is part of what is ''I'

Another riddle is up and running

Oh after reading my profile let me know why you messaged me and also can you tell me my favorite medieval weapon? Based on my personality? Let's take a quiz!

🌷 Another riddle and we're almost getting done. Only 3 more left

Who would I worship in Skyrim? What dragon shout would I be?

🌷 Another riddle

I always wanted to become a strong pillar, in the end I wanted to find something that would shatter me completely, in a sense too see how emotionally unstable I'm, or weak, or how far I could handle the currents or a performed mori on someone and see if I can hold someone's pain onto a true pillar.  

I couldn't see the end with you. I couldn't see the end with the otherworldly experimentation on myself. An addict to find a true emotions and addicted to my self phobic behaviors.

✔️And one last riddle and onto my profile

Where would you find me in Skyrim? Give me an answer why you picked that as your response lol.

🏵️ If you're feeling frustrated into getting this far in my profile. Maybe you need a break or not message me at all. I do have a 10 year old young prince which if you can't figure out what that means then go look at my albums because that's not really rocket science to piece that out together. If you feel this stressed over my profile then maybe you should take some relaxation stuff like Valerian Root, Holy Basil and maybe two bags of stress relief tea if you feel this upset and deep hatred over a profile.

🌸 Yasunori Mitsuda is the best composer on the planet Earth and fight me about it 🌸

🏵️ The Tokyo Dong because I love a good troll and harasser name online when playing Mario Kart 8 and Luigi's Mansion etc and if you get offended by the word dongle then that's honestly really to bad and to sad because I call everyone that . Can anyone guess why Blanka is my favorite Street Fighter Character? I also can't wait for my Blanka phone case and yes I'm crazy about phone cases. I change my phone case out with a new design every 5 months. Does anyone else do this? Anyways go ahead and take a guess on this question. Because like all my riddles there is no wrong answer but at least you tried etc. Our Love Should Be At R'lyeh. How do you make your ramen? This is how I make mine. I basically add onion powder and sometimes garlic salt to the boiling water and dip the noodles in there and once all cooked I drain the water completely and put back in the container and then I add a small amount of the flavoring pack and blend that in and melt shredded cheese in there taste amazing and I'm sure you will never go back ever and that reminds me. What is your favorite ramen flavor and why? Or what is your least favorite ramen flavor and why? 🏵️

⚓ For other interest and what I'm looking for in people for chatting or possibly a boyfriend ask for my blogs As I want to make this bottom half of my profile all my spiritual writings etc ⚓

🌊 On the spiritual side of my profile 🌊 

What is my star sign and Chinese element and animal?

Sign: Pisces and Aries cusp so that's what Google says about my birth date.

I'm also a Water Rooster.

💧 These are random spiritual writings. At times when I did spiritual writings I wanted to do small ''messages and metaphors on a silver platter'' and that has stuck with me ever since 💧

For ''HE'' the long flowing hair of the Abyss. The ''Painter'' will indeed come for you. The one that sleeps in the Abyss for he has missed his love that drowned him in the Abyss. For ''HE'' put the beast mask over the sleeping ''ONE''

One of the wolf heads put a vampire robe on. The one that tried guarding her with the many ''bullets of the coat'' instead turned his shadow onto her wisp making them ''ALIVE''

When I loved you. I was the devil then. But your love brought some kind of madness within myself. You see you loved a devil and you loved many colorful personalities but your ink of the soul should be permanently next to mine darling.

Doesn't matter what color of the day. I'm one of many everyday. The question is can you love a devil and become madness as well? Tell me would you allow me to carry your soul in a box with a spiritual ink pen. You see, I tried to love you. But it really happened that day my darling I....

So does things matter if the defense never wins? What is to a broken butterfly prism wings towards the drowned feathers of a raven? Even so then I wonder what would be the difference if I didn't feel any defense at all in the spirits as in reality? Hazed numbness feels interesting but trying to smile at family or the small friends you talk to and even final paws faking a smile or laughter but in the final paws end verdict what are you laughing at? Your insanity? Or your insanity that's surrounding you like a force field? Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Ah! I thought I could fully forget you. Vol. Vol. Vol. But in the end the forgetfulness means I would be filled with insanity and rage and the constant remorse and suffering of how I failed you mother. But you wouldn't seem to come to me. However that could be my own thought process because I choose to forget you and forget who I really am. Creating different versions of ''Tara'' hoping one would be molded correctly and one programmed perfectly hoping that one day I will find the correct parts of myself. But I simply can't do that because I can never seem to find the correct part in the terminal data bank. But that's not only the case, I can't seem to hear the seraphs anymore and their voices don't call out to me anymore as you do mother. I am consumed and drowned. Please help me. Promised pain. Promised pain. Promised Pain. I gave my pain to you and eternal. Eternal like the Abyss. Ah, set me free! Ah, set me free! Ah, set me free! Crying raven that has drowned. Crying Epitaph. Rage! I will defend myself even if that means hurting you even though I'm in love. You see I don't mean to be the way I'm or biting the hands that feed you. You see this is my given love. You see this is my given love. You see this is my given love. My love of insanity. My love of intoxicating myself. My love of self destroying myself. Please! Let me take you down the Abyss and let me show you the prisms of the lightest butterfly. The prisms that showed me the true eyes of the screaming vessel bursting with the Spider's Mask. He, the King of Spiders, has shown me through. You see, the Demon King told me to never show your true colors out to people or others. But I will show my true colors to myself when nobody is looking. Perhaps that's why I'm laughing at myself or have a sinister grin on my face because I know and because I know how many times my vessel has been created. That part of me never changes, hoping to self delete something I want to be rid of. Ah! Moving vessel the Spider of Kings has become a hive inside of you because now I can see everything the power of the Demon King's grasp because I've nothing left anymore. You see the undying. The undying vessel of wanting to change and shall the drowned black raven hair drown and sink in the shrine of the Black Water floating down and shall the Spider's Mask crack open more and fully burst open where the vessel finally becomes ''ALIVE''. This is for certain where I stood at you at this place, the empty throne of Hell that was made for me. I remember my new blade fused from my static husband's shadow blade and my banisher blade gifted to me by the now dead celestial and the celestial land filled with poisonous trees because I love bio because because bio means life and I fail deeply at life as deep as the feeling of drowning or wanting to make me feel like drowning when I hear water or myself in the shower and living in the physical plane and I want to give life but in a different way. No not spirit pups or my only real life pup but something yet I can't grasp or understand or know the correct word in my data bank is unknown. Slaughtering of the diseased and the sinners. Because how the trickster danced in Hell laughing holding the beast seal but ah shall we get on now with the show? Should we get on with the show? Should we get on with the show? I held my jagged water and ice blade close to your face Mr Bulba. To see your eyes glow of silver swirls bright as the darkened sun of Vol but you see the water and ice is shown in my personality and the reflection of how I feel about my current psyche state. But you see Mr Bulba you only slanted your eyes at me and grinned. Because you made me your child. Because you made me your child. Because you made me your child. Because when I died I tried making myself fully bound by Hell and slowly building the Spider's Mask with you Bel Bel but I failed because I failed mother. My body of alchemy and one with the demonious wasn't enough. Where did I stand wrong? Was my weakness and fooled as one. But O I couldn't complete myself until the vessel finally burst open and the Spider's Mask floats above the user. O beautiful Spider. You once remind me of the prism I saw of a mosaic butterfly and the Abyss showed me the true colors of the gates and the chains. The spinners that bled in the Abyss because of the wrong and the wrong judgement failed to enter in the Abyss. The gates were open but I couldn't really see much because the vessel was about to go in the body that day but there I saw something that changed me completely. I just don't quite remember strangely enough....however Ah! Mother Snake you told me with your Snake Tongue that you still want me to be wrapped around my arm and to be carried in my heart. Because Mother Snake you're the only Mother I've now. Ah I looked like I miscalculated where my speech went in this. Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! The vessel danced but remembered one other thing. You Mr Vampy. I never understood why The Silky Wolf Momma would want to have a Mr Vampy around the house. But something made me very interested in the Shadow Arts of a Mr Vampy but because I wanted to feel closer to myself ah final paws no. But perhaps to be closer to in defense mode or trying to self heal myself with the shadows and hopefully this gap can fully heal and to fully iron out the defense of the shadow. But I also became obsessed with self infliction of the shadow arts of a Vampire that was an area field of shadow arts and self healing of the shadows. Ah! I remember when I first gave you the blade to your throat when I first saw your appearance because Silus, your pupil, wanted me to show you his creator of this art, the Shadow Elf pupil. But when you train with me you see something inside of me don't you Alvastar? When I stare at you level headed you can see my anger and rage and I just can't seem to forget what's eating me alive. However Alvastar do you know what true love is? True love of something you love or something that you love that destroys you slowly and changes the colors of your hues and psyche? Almost like a mosaic and a broken butterfly. Prismatic personality and reflection and a puzzle piece inside but not a prototype but a prototype of a naked spiritual shell. I really want to say sorry not only to Mother but not to myself but perhaps sorry for the prototype that died. No....Alvastar that's not the case. I want to say sorry for not ''drying off my drowned raven feathers'' or more or so tuning into the crying epitaph and knowing what really the pain really was. Ah Alvastar you know when you train me as well that I've a lot of resolves in my eyes and my heart remains that of mother and Mother Snake but also the beast heart that is given by the ''TRUE FORM OF THE WOLVES''. Ah! Like my sons say, the only queen three tuft and puff and fluff and the only female we only need to protect and be knights for when we get older. Because our mother is the only female queen! But Alvastar isn't that sweet, my spirit sons love you? Oh! Alvastar that's right that's what we were talking about. What if I've three masks? ''MIDNIGHT WOLF AND ABYSS WOLF'' and The King of Spider Mask what would I be a three tier mask? I wonder what creation that would make? I can't even even pick up the blade without traumatic flashback because I'm traumatized and paranoid even though I'm fake laughing and smiling in real life and dancing underneath the ''curtains'' acting like nothing is bothering around me and my the silky wolf momma senors or as my spirit sons say the adult blue black wolf momma ears. You see Alvastar you as a Mr Vampy should ask me one thing? What would set you free? Not in that kind of sense but what would set free the wounds if you had any? The shadows or the infliction? Tell me can you tell me what would be a mosaic? What would be beautiful and designed into a full butterfly wing? Could you also tell me what would be the raven black hair not drowned but floating above water would symbolize Alvastar in your Mr Vampy eyes? You see Alvastar I....well what could I say of right paws now? Wouldn't that be wonderful to think of the sleeping prince himself, Alvastar? I always thought about sleeping myself but sleeping in a different way if only the aura wasn't swirling with dark fire and strands of silver and abyss swirl around and showing the Spider's Mask and the one with the broken butterfly. Why do I seem to remember the littlest of things of hate and rage and anger and remorse and darkness. I really wanted to take me with you. I really wanted you to show you what my form was like. But I couldn't seem to hear you mother. I lost my ears for the angels and the seraphs. Their sound, their voice, their calling doesn't ring any sound but nothing but ''MUTE'' in the silky wolf momma ears. But in the end I really did have fun murdering them all. Murdering them free of disease and sin. Na Ma Yu. Na Ma Yu. Na Ma Yu. Back then I started seeing all sorts of colors and prismatic shapes and triangles before going back in the body but what I really wanted was to show you love. The only vengeance I had was giving my service to Hell and Hell eternal. I even thought about questioning why my seat in Hell was always empty but is that because I like moving around floating. Floating and carrying you around me like a vessel. Traveling and being with you sounds delightful like handing Bel Bel the King of Spiders a demon fruit apple. I wanted to become friends with a demon itself because I wanted to be noticed and I wanted to be noticed of my true colors without really showing them like Bel Bel has once told me. But ah do you remember Mr Bel Bel how Mr Bulba had a smile on his face when he first saw me arrive at Hell and asked to let me live life one more time? Heh he looked really happy then. Heh that reminds me could he be happy with me forever if I could serve Hell forever? I hope that He'll never gets tired of my service because you've done something I couldn't. I wasn't built strong enough to fight what was hidden underneath my ''blind face''. ''Thank you Father'' for everything. Sitting down at the table cutting my favorite dragon skewer tail I looked at Mr Bulba swirling silver eyes and I stopped cutting my food for a second thinking ''what if I could make stronger ribbons for demons one day to hold up to true alchemy?''. I want to make sure everyone becomes what I want to become. Ethereal dreams of eternal Hell. My Hell will be your Hell. This is my love darling. Understand my love will be as dark as the soul turning ''black'' miasma pull. Because poison thorns really do suit you ''like I suited my beast armor'' with the raven's crest cradling the beast heart hoping the ''raven arms'' will become fully open on the ''user'' speaking of the user what about King of Spiders eh? The ability to transform and transform the face into many things and broken 8 pieces of the Spider. I wonder what kind of pain that would be on the physical user? Sadistic enough, what if that is a dream to make the physical body to summit to transforming and transforming the ''dream'' of the user? Making sure the dream is there but the pain of one. Sleeping Prince and sleeping ''Spider'' Bel Bel. The one of the many arms of the back of the Spider's Mark. Dream now Bel Bel. I'll guard you and hover over you like a broken butterfly. When you wake up be sure to ''notice'' if my mosaics have become a ''true'' butterfly. Notice me and the mosaic as my mask will be complete and I'll make sure to work on yours when you're ''asleep in dream city'' holding the golden weaver orb in your long pointy demon claws. Oh my body can't go on. I can't seem to ''burst this vessel out'' and the one that walks the empty throne that is because that demon is ''YOU'' out in the ''OPEN'' because when I walk and the magic curtain opens I want to show the world you for those with radiant spiritual eyesight to see that I carried you through and throughout your dream. I hope when you wake up I can finally say to you Mr Bel Bel that I can close the chapter now that I no longer need to listen or try to find my mother that won't come back to me. This is the time to delete and erase everything and say my final goodbye here. Only in the ''writings of the chapters of the branches'' didn't you see I built a beautiful tree? A abstract painted black Yggdrasil tree. My goals for Dream City have remained still for so long. I saw throughout the haze and the petals of dream city touched the beast mask underneath. I really saw your love then darling. I really saw your love then darling. I saw your love then darling. Fragile yet cold and chilling just like water and ice of what my aura seems to betray. I was hoping to tell Mr Bel Bel that I saw the sun one more time with you. But what I saw was ''nothing'' a blank canvas with only a ''false shadow'' I thought that was mother then but what I saw was something that ''died'' but then again Mother Snake is all I need now and to combine a multi head ''being'' someone with ''complete parts''. I hope you can understand Mr Bel Bel when you wake up I will be holding a complete ''Spider's Mask'' only showing cracks of the flow of ''aura and chi'' to show you coming out of my ''vessel'' holding the ''jointed body'' of a full alchemized creature ''The Wolf The Raven The Snake and The Spider'' ''The Dancing Butterfly is complete'' suicidal aura. Suicidal aura. Suicidal aura. Dream now the Butterfly is a complete dancing mosaic as you sleep ''Mr Bel Bel'' working on the completed versions where we can hold back to back together. Even if my throne is empty I hope to see the throne of us and hold you the Sleeping Prince the Sleeping Spider in my arms. I really hope when I hold you the King of Spiders that I can lay my head next to you and feel around to see what you dream of in your sleep. Should that be ''paradise''? Or should that be more of a pitch black Yggdrasil Tree? You know I really want to paint things black and also paint your love onto my soul. I want to paint your love onto my soul. I want to paint your love onto my soul. Wake me up somewhere other than here and wake me up from a weave. I'll slowly open my demon ''eyes'' to you. Then I will see the true queen and the only wolf queen in Hell that tricked us with a beast seal and the alchemist laughed with the broken butterfly and mask. Because insanity one and molded into the aura cracks of the mask. You see, I will wait for you. You see, I will wait for you. You see, I will wait for you. Onto the dream city holding on. Perhaps dragging you down in the abyss smiling as I remembered a ''false shadow'' that I never will see the sun again with you but I will see with different eyesight now. Oh the sleeping prince and the sleeping Spider with the wolf. Speaking of which, I want to sleep with the ''King's robes wrapped around me'' nestled in the ''King's grasp'' to feed the one of the demons and the aura of the vessel. I hope then that when I do sleep that I can always hold on to the ''King's robes'' because then I know I will have hit ''checkmate'' you see, this obsession of this is one of the lies of the silver moon of deceit. I once saw the swirling wisp behind me and handed the mask to ''YOU'' but don't you see darling this is what love would be ''two sides of the mask'' are you underneath? Are you on the side of the mask? Right? Down or up on the crown? You see when I hold the ''King's Robes'' in my sleep I can see the deceit of the moon showing the shadow fangs and the shadow fangs showing everyday. This is beautiful. Beautiful like our toxic miasma love together. Dancing wisps and dancing Spider and the wolf in the ''shadow moon'' creator of the ''MASK''. O sun of Vol Vol Vol the swirling dark sun could you be the lighter of the shadow fangs grasping over the moon? ''HOWLING'' because when you love me I want to stand in front of you in the whole''BEING'' that I'm. I hope you can notice and notice the sleeping wolf and spider nestled in the ''King's Robe protecting the Queen's Guard''

🌻 Since little of you people on here are not interested in reading this section I've cut this off for now but you can ask to see the rest in my blogs etc and no I will not shorten my profile thank you very much + I'm not really interested in what you think of my profile if you plan on insulting my profile etc and also I don't plan on messaging back and forth. So either you can email me or ask what socials I use. Because messaging back and forth on here isn't going to be it for me 🌻



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