AltScene

RABBIT

30 - Straight

West Virginia, United States

Jul 11, 2021 04:18

🌚 Wanted to explain my inactivity some 🌚 Before I go work on myself and focus on non toxic swamp behavior 🌚 You read my profile as a helpless being you think I'm here to take guys money and looking for a sorry card and some guys only about 3 offered financial help because he feels sorry for my situation that I'm but where did I say anywhere on my profile I'm looking for financial aid because I sure can't find that anywhere 🌚 So speaking with someone blocking me as well so last night I was showing a new item coming out on Pokémon and I said look at this I'm going to cry if I don't have this which he was to stupid to understand that meant oh I might miss my chance on the hold claim! Then he blocked me ​because he goes I'm not buying that for you and when did I ever said I was going to pay for that and I'm thinking to myself uh I said I was going to put that on hold because the seller says if I put down payment with MY own cleaning money my aunt gives me that I can pay for the rest in November🌑​🌙​🌚​ Which reminds me I got lots of people unfollowing me IG not that I care but this is funny to share even thought that rhymes because people think I play Animal Crossing that I'm playing a video game Targeted for 3-5 year old kids which the most I lost unfollowed when I posted AC was 10 lol right after the post and my statement is this you do understand Pokémon and Mario games are targeted and aimed for kids 7 years and up right? But anyways for my socials you can find them on my photo albums I'm 🦉🦇🌃 But let's focus on the paws topic helpless and fragile state and I mean this with everything I've🦉🦇🌃 You guys think because I've a IQ of 79 which Tri County gave me because I can only mentally understand 8th grade comprehension and my memory of finding longer and difficult puzzles and remember the number patters and I can only do 4-5 grade math and anything higher I've to pull out a calculator and the company also did IQ test puzzles like find the next step/pattern and the reason why I had to do Tri County was to see if I approved for their help of getting SSI/Workforce with their assistances etc because if I got a no that means the company won't assist me 🌌 But what does this have to do with Helplessness? Because people see someone with a low IQ of 79 this gives them right to walk all over me and think I'm really fragile and weak and the people think with my low IQ that I can be fooled and treated like dumber than a box of rocks 🌌 Which comes in my next fighting stance 🌌 All you people on here see me as a beauty object to feel the highest level of pity for me where all you see me for is my looks and nothing more like my son/young prince doesn't matter and you don't think that I've the smarts to know you're using me and playing a game with me because of my poor IQ score of 79 so basically you're treating me like prey to see how destroyed I can become ah yes the sadistic way to mental torture someone and make them subject them to a hunt and prey situation ​🌌​🚀​ This is why I don't post selfies anymore on IG but every two or three years ​🌌​🚀​ Because people don't know how to stop the comments saying I'm so beautiful and pretty which annoys me to no end and I will not be treated like prey no longer ​👨‍🚀​🌑​👩‍🚀​ So go find someone that will let you play hunt and prey and corner them when you think you had them at their weakest ​👨‍🚀​🌑​👩‍🚀​ Because you can't do that to me as I'm highly smart and analytic when things aren't related on things that Tri County had to made me do ⛈️ Because preying on someone that you assume and think so far up your mind that you think you can play your game with me no sweetheart I will play the game with and wait for your true colors to unravel because I know you were hunting me all along and I was waiting how long you will strike 🐍 I've dealt with this intensely but glad to know what people think of me the prey 🐍 Also the slurs of fury that everyone calls me you're insane or your crazy 🐍 Do you want to know the true meaning of those? Because I think you're just mistaken and don't understand me 🐍 My personas and personality is a hard fleet to understand me 🐍 Which my caseworker Erika said that there is professional doctors that still out there that don't understand their Autistic clients or their behavioral problems 🐲 Which makes me even more prey like online a fragile Autistic critter is online let's harass her 🐲 That brings my finale about my video game blogs I've asked people to read you do know right I never asked or said anywhere on my profile that I can see that you had to read my profile in one sitting? Where are you coming up with these assumptions if these assumptions are nowhere to be found on my profile? Also the web I'm talking to you is a fan made old school that is supposed to look like Myspace etc 🐲 Which reminds me in my album to not waste your time I only have Discord up there/Snapchat/Instagram and nothing more 👹 But no more 👹 Enough! I will no longer play the prey here and live your fantasy life of preying on me because of the status you think I'm 👹 Go find someone to hunt instead of me because hunting me would be a futile waste anyways so good luck with your preying just know you failed to make me your prey and I will no longer be part of the chase 👹

💬 I prefer to talk on Instagram or Discord! If you've one of these and are interested in my profile then message me your username on either Discord or Instagram 💬 Also for users that want to make make fun of someone due to ''nicknames'' he or she goes online or makes fun of their username then you're the one that has problems. Calling someone psychopathic and insane over a username is quite the far stretch 💬 Just because my personas are Rabbit, Spider and Wolf doesn't mean I'm full blown coco for coco puffs because I'm not and you never had a conversation to being with me. You just started harassing me and insulting me 💬

🌠 For people that assume things about me yet don't bother want to have a conversation about me but make assumptions right of the bat. Sense people assume without conversation just what he or she sees on my profile. He or she assumes I ''make myself depressed and I don't want to move out of my dad's house and I'm the one that got myself in this mess and EVERYTHING is my fault.'' Honestly quite classic. Why classic? Refusal to learn about someone and starts insulting them. Learn before you judge 🌠

🎨 So just to get people the heads up. People think I choose this suffering because I enjoy this suffering. This is highly incorrect if you read my general completely you would know someone that dealt with that kind of mental torture. On a different website I posted about what kind of trauma I experienced in my whole entire life. You can ask to see this. Not every person is going to accept themselves and move on from this. Yes I know High School was more than 10 + move on and accept what happened to you. No, that is just the same thing that goes with people saying move on from your guilt and regret and you got your Mom killed. No, I'm not moving on. There will always be lingering emotion of guilt and regret always in the back of my mind because my actions created life altering changes for everyone in my family. If you're wondering what I came into terms with as accepting in 2021 I can tell you this. My dad and his sisters will never accept me. This I've moved away from and accepted this took me till I was 26 years and growing years to understand this. If my dad and my aunts can't see me as part of the family because I want SSI and a part time job and live in a low income apartment and I will never accept Jesus in my life then that is fine. I've accepted in terms of their ways that I wasn't what my dad and my aunts  expected/wanted. That is their own problem not mine. Maybe one day my dad and my aunts will find acceptance in themselves but probably not. Not because of negative thinking but because my dad and aunts have been this way for years and same with the Bible controlling their life choices. If the Bible says something is wrong then my dad and aunts have to abide by what the Bible tells them. I've zero control for them to change their ways because my dad and aunts won't. One aunt reads the Bible every morning as I heard a conversation from my dad to his sister and one time my dad said to his friends that the Bible is the best book he ever read. One of my aunts teaches Bible lessons every Tuesday or Wednesday. I forgot which day. So with that said me and my dad and aunts need to find acceptance in their own self and self healing/reflecting that things will be okay and my dad just needs to accept me because your daughter didn't turn out the way you wanted her to be. I think my dad had high hopes that I would be like my sister who has a one story house with her husband and has a hard working job and she is normal with no mental disorders just M.S. but the thing is the huge disappointment in my sister that my dad and my aunts don't like is she is an atheist. My aunts need to understand that their brother's daughter needs to be accepted for her ways and her life path just because someone doesn't follow Christianity hardcore doesn't mean you look down upon me. That is their own problem not mine. My dad and my aunt don't want to talk about this zero anymore because I brought up that I'm a spiritualist and I don't know what year this was but my dad and my aunts thought I was summoning demons and creating portals in the house and my dad and his sisters after I tried explaining myself about spirituality my dad and my aunts told me to never bring that up ever again. I will not and must not talk about spirituality and their religion ever again. Another thing I accepted was I finally started wearing sandals starting when I was 27. I no longer care if people think my pigeon toed feet are disgusting. I honestly enjoy wearing sandals. I just wish I had a navy pair and a pink pair and a rose gold now haha. I kind of love wearing sandals more than I do sneakers. I've to wear sandals that have an ankle strap on the back because of how I walk. I need security that the sandal is in place around my ankle and not sliding everywhere because I've to force myself to walk straight. I also at the same age accepted that you don't like how I look and are staring at me? Cool I'll just smile at you to notice that you're staring at me. Smile and walk away. Simple yet effective. I also got over the fact that I guess I'm highly interesting to look at and I'm not even wearing strange clothing and now I'm amused by that. Also gotten over this that guys might find this gross. I've skin issues for one thing. Also for some reason I can't shave only my armpits. For some reason my wrist will not turn at a certain angle for me to shave them and I can't even eat with my left hand at all. One time I tried and I cut my armpit and I had the cut there for weeks and I told my dad an automatic razor for my legs is $30 and up and he goes I'm not paying that because you're paranoid of cutting your legs while shaving. That is your own problem. My dad also still will always refuse to buy me dental insurance for $60-100 even when he was working. My dad has always and will always refuse this and not take me to a sedative doctor to get my teeth fixed. This is how my dad is. You've to learn and accept your dad's ways and your aunts ways and move on. My sister was easy to accept and this is going off topic but whatever I don't care. I accepted this way before I was 27 that I will only see my sister on Birthdays and Holidays because she prefers to be left alone with her 3 cats and her husband. This is how she wants to be so I'm not going to argue about this to her when I already know my answer to why. I'm her sister and I know that I already know the answer by my sister's personality etc because we're sisters after all. Also back on the subject of suffering. People think I don't want to escape my dad. No this is so incorrect you fail to understand, I exhausted every option and my dad has as well. My dad has called several apartments when he had a job and asked if he could pay for my rent to get me to move out because we're both aware we both create negative and stressful situations around each other and all we do is argue with each other.  Anyways back on the topic all apartments said no. I've to have my SSI check or some kind of income with my own paperwork for low income apartments. My sister said no right off the bat. I don't know why I even bothered to ask. My aunts aren't going to let me move in with them and that is a no. Just to let you know/refresh your memory my mom is dead, my mom's sister is dead she died of breast cancer second strike of cancer she won the first battle and lost the second battle when cancer returned a few years later and when she found out she was at stage 4 she didn't make it she was found dead according to one of my aunts 62 pounds and a skeleton in trailer. The cancer that came back was extremely aggressive and even with chemo and meds wasn't enough. My mom's sister died of a stroke that went to her brain. Her son found her dead on the bathroom floor. My cousin moved to some far out state. Was so sad because my mom's sister used to be a thief and was banned from Target hoarding/stealing DVDS. She cleaned up and got the help she needed and got her a car and she found a job at a Kohl's stocker and put up clothes well. A few months later she had a stroke that went to her brain and died on the bathroom floor where her son found her the next day. That's just so f**ked up. My mom's mom died of a stroke at 62 but this is a huge problem. We were in a massive bad rut with money so we couldn't help her so SSI gave her $500 or $600 to live off of and $50 of food stamps to eat a month and she was a diabetic but this was years and years ago mind you. So I think she honestly died of a stroke because of her poor health she was in and there was no finance aid we could've done or anyone else etc. My mom's dad is unknown and was a donor and left. My dad's side of the family is the only remaining brother. His brother that he had died of alcoholism/heart failure. My mom's brother who isn't in contact with the family randomly called my dad and somehow found his number and called him somehow and told him he recently got out of jail for a hit and run and in the past would camp out in the woods other than that my dad has four sisters. I think my mom has another sister that doesn't contact the family and according to everyone and what my aunts tells me she is lives in her own fantasy world and doesn't contact with the family. I do have a Niece but we never talk and I've no idea why but this is a common theme for her. According to my aunts she only contacts if there is Thanksgiving at her house or she needs something other than that she doesn't text the family. My dad says I've an aunt in Canada which I know she isn't going to take me and sense I've split custody of my son that is illegal anyways.  But my dad's mom, if you don't remember, died of the brain eating disease at 87. His dad left his mother and never came back. My aunts called their dad 15 years ago + and their dad was like who is this? Why are you calling me? So after that my aunts never tried talking to their dad. So as you can see. I've nowhere to go. Also believe this or not I just got done with my final examination stage with SSI stage. My caseworker I talked to this week and still no call back from Workforce she said she left a voicemail and an email to Work Force and still no response. So my caseworker is trying to get Workforce to answer so I can get an appointment to see what online job I can do and where Workforce can start applying for some jobs online to do. I just hope that I didn't f**k up my first round. Because the examiner asked why I wanted SSI and I said I want to get my own apartment and my dad doesn't think I've Autism or my aunts don't think my  Autism is severe enough not to work in person and I prefer to work from home because of my Autism and I said Tri County says I can get SSI and work from home if I wanted to do both. This sounded really bad but I talked to my caseworker Erika and she said I didn't say the wrong thing and I sounded like I wanted to be independent but to me. I'm wording things like I want to escape my dad and his negativity because that is part of where most of my negativity is streaming from because me and my dad will never get along. If I f**ked up my chance this time I should say I want a part time job along with SSI because I've to pay for my son's clothes and needs that he wants and his Birthday and Christmas and that his dad side of the family doesn't give me zero financial support because that's how his family is and there is nothing I can fix that. Not because of depression or I don't want to. His family is just f**ked up. For example one time his dad's mom sent him shoes that were falling apart because THEY KNEW WE WOULD BUY HIM NEW SHOES FOR THEM! Anyways back on subject I know what you're thinking you're a f**king moron for not saying that the first time around. Yeah I know to late f**king now, But the only thing I can do is think positive that I will get SSI the first round and if I don't then I know what I need to do second round and that's as simple as that. The only thing I can hope for my dad to happen one day and will never happen is to have emotional consideration for me and have some emotional support instead of judging me and not listening to me and tell me to stop talking about personal problems and be quiet and leave him alone. That is what he needs to learn. I've moved on from this. Because I know this isn't going to happen. Because he is the same way as I was a teenager and now 28 years old my aunts will never change either. So for people saying that I'm choosing to sit in my dad's house and do nothing but sit and rot. No, I'm sitting and waiting for SSI and The Workforce. Another thing you might be thinking is well you just sit around the house all day and not go out. Yes because I don't have the funds to go to a Taxi and even with my aunt giving me $40 every two weeks for cleaning money a.k.a. taking care of the house isn't enough to do that. Let me give you a general idea. I Googled my favorite bar and grill that supports local live music from my locale ranging from Metal to Rock and their food is amazing! Would cost me $60 in total to take me there and back from Uber. My aunt takes me grocery shopping every two weeks and let me tell you this and I mean this honestly. Me and her don't go see a movie UNLESS WE REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HAVE TO GO SEE THE MOVIES IN THEATER. Last movie we saw was the last Star Wars Movie for tickets and food was about $60 or $70. $20 for reclined seats and then $30-40 in food. We like to pig out when we go to movies so honestly the cost and how expensive we eat at the movies is our own problem. The only problem I've with this aunt is she only drives where there are no highways or freeways so I'm stuck in my locale of where I can go where there isn't s**t to do at all. My other aunt has 5 anchors in her arm from a very nasty fall she had and I call f**king bull s**t and I think this made her arm worse due to the virus should couldn't see anyone till for longer than a month and a half my dad said when I asked how long my aunt couldn't see a doctor. Her arm hers she said within 30 minutes of driving her arm hurts. My other aunt always wants to stay by her husband's side. So as you can see I don't want to sit and rot. I just don't have the finances to get a Uber drive to go see two concerts a month because I would really like that and more importantly there are limited things to do where I live. So this isn't a choice of oh I want to rot and do nothing. No you're wrong. There is a difference between not having the funds to do something/poor transportation than sitting around with a mindset of rotting. Also my mood everyday is mostly sassy. I'm not depressed 24/7. I just have a bad attitude problem. But I do feel helpless in a way which is normal to have some kind of dignified emotion. All I want is to be accepted by people. This has nothing to do because I won't accept myself. No, you're missing the picture here. People have a hard time understanding me because I'm Autistic my caseworker Erika said there are professional doctors still out there till this day that still don't know how to handle Autism still. My legs and feet aren't normally constructed to look like a normal person's legs and feet. I've a big overbite which is a common trait for all of our family members. I'm different. Most of the time I'm pushing the buggy I'm getting looked at or some kid is staring at me like what the f**k is that I'm looking at? You see, I'm asking for acceptance for people to love me for who I'm. When I had to go to the SSI government psyche examiners they asked how popular was your sister in high school and I find this very strange. Why the living Hell would the examiner ask about my sister? I guess to see who is the dumb one in the family I guess? I said she was very popular. She was full  figured curvy and pear shaped. She was very highly smart. Nothing is wrong with my sister besides her having M.S. I also told them how my sister was potty trained at one years old. I wasn't until I was three years old. But you know I'm just trying to get my point across that I'm not here saying oh I don't wanna do anything but sit and rot in my dad's house and just stick with his negative comments. No, there is nothing I can do about my situation or make SSI go any faster or make Workforce call back and reply to my caseworker Erika. I've exhausted all options. Everything is a waiting game. Which all of you completely fail to understand. Also I'm not being negative when I say I don't think there is a cure for Autism because you can't naturally alter someone's brain cells naturally and in an organic way without using some kind of chemical drug etc. So please if you still want to say well you're the one that got yourself in this pickled mess. Nah I would just tell you that you're highly insensitive about my personal life issues. Are also quick to judge me etc. This is your call to think what you think of me now. I simply don't care. So please if you want to make an assumption about me. Please do so AFTER READING MY PROFILE! NOT BEFORE! THANKS! Next subject my case worker her name is Erika and I'm one of her clients and she is here to help me along the way with all this process and she said that I've a high chance of getting SSI but some of her clients had to re-appeal SSI three times before her clients got this I'm not kidding when I say this Erika said this is how the government plays with people and their game she says if you get approved first time that is very rare but most of her clients have to re-appeal three times. My dad has given up calling Workforce to find me an online job where I can do warehouse inventory or do something with writing down numbers for item stocks on a database. This is something I can do. Anything English or anything grammatically incorrect is impossible. I want to work part time. Also for people wondering, yes Tri County/Erika said I can get SSI and work part time. So why would she lie to me? When she didn't tell her other clients? Also I went to Tri County to see if I did qualify for SSI because if I didn't then I wouldn't get any help benefits from Tri County/Workforce etc. My dad and everyone in the family expects me to click on any random link to find an online job lol....yeah that is so unsafe. They also say I'm being overly paranoid and dramatic that someone could steal my information online. I can only do warehouse stock or number counting or programming numbers or model numbers etc. I can't correct grammar because I wasn't taught at all and due to my learning disability I've a hard time understanding. My dad and I never talk normally in a sense like when I want fast food he raises his voice and is like I've to check my bank!!!! Like can't he use a normal tone of voice? My aunts, say I'm too old for birthday gifts and Christmas. So. I also got told that buying gifts for everyone in the family would be too expensive. How can you not spend $5 on each person? The thing is my aunts have always been this way for years. I had to explain to my sister how much I appreciate her and her husband doing birthday and Christmas for me because sitting around on my birthday drives me insane and I explained to my aunts don't do anything for my  birthday. Except one takes me to lunch for my birthday and that's all. Speaking of lunch and dinner my aunts have never offered for years no text about hey join me and my husband for lunch or dinner. Not one single text in years and never will happen. I don't understand this? Maybe because it would cost money? I'm not bringing this up because I would get a whiplash response. Also the reason why I don't drive is extreme fear of being phobic of self harming a person or killing someone. Drilled installed fear and paranoia. This is probably because I'm an obsessed person over thinking/processing etc. When it’s my time. It’s my time to be deconstructed. That’s all I’ve to say. This is my battle and my battle alone. I do have more personal trivia facts if you're interested just ask and I will link you to my main blog and yes I've more photos if you just look! You've to click on my profile picture to view more albums duh! 🎨

📿 So after reading my profile someone asked why do I still live with my dad? Did you not read the lines that I've no where to go in my family? No one to take me in? Did you also not read that I'm still trying to get SSI? As in approved or denied first round? I've been doing this off the bat sense June of last year. However Tri County due to the virus and government health ordinance the company couldn't get everything started till November. Also if you can't read between the lines I CAN'T MAKE THIS PROCESS GO FASTER. Same with Workforce I CAN'T CONTROL THEM/MAKE THEM EMAIL MY CASEWORKER Erika back. What part do you not get? I can't anymore guys 📿 Unless you're asking why I applied for SSI help at 28 years old? Do you want me to go in the whole fiasco my whole family thought my Autism was full of $hit? My whole family thought I would get a job and REFUSED the help I needed and waited for years and years to see if I would get a job. Finally last year I had the nerve to finally tell them about what I wanted 📿 If you still don't understand then you're helpless. Also just because my IQ is 79 doesn't give you the upper hand to harass and bully me. I only got a IQ of 79 according to the test results of Tri County and how did Tri County come to this results? Because of reading and math and comprehension/memory/finding the patterns etc. That doesn't mean I'm a dumbo in other areas 📿 Also to give people a heads the date is now July 6th and still no SSI paper work back 🌠 As I took my final test two weeks ago this should show you how long this is going to take and I talked to my caseworker Erika July 7th and said this will possibly take several weeks for them to mail you Yes or No and she also told me a few of her clients recently got approved the first round and I hope that will be me to 🌠 Discord and Instagram and Snapchat are in my album and I will say one thing if you message anything creepy or perverted you will be ignored and if you messaged me on any of these socials and you're ignored you probably A didn't read my whole entire profile or B you started being a creep when I said don't do that and also I think I'm crushing on someone here and I think the Wolf has the eyes on the prize 🌠

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