Emotionally stable (ish), mentally feral, and powered entirely by sarcasm, bad ideas, Glasgow Warriors rugby, and metal music breakdowns. I’ll steal your hoodie, make your bad days better, make you laugh when you’re trying to be serious, and flirt by mocking your cereal choices.
I don’t want a prince—I want a mildly unhinged co-conspirator for impulsive road trips, gig nights, and late-night nonsense (plus emotional support snacks at 3am). Bonus points if you’ve got a dog, decent taste in music, good banter, can open jars, reach the top shelf, and pretend not to notice when I trip over nothing.
✨ Extra bonus points if you’ll hold my hand in public and my snacks in private. Yes, that was an innuendo.
Described as a “sarky d**khead,” and I took it as the highest compliment ever. Loves last-minute hotel stays, unplanned chaos, and laughing until I cry. I make inappropriate jokes, inappropriate noises, and occasionally inappropriate life choices. You in?
I’d rather blast metal in a car at 2am than go out to dinner and pretend I’m normal.
Music is my every fibre—current top faves include Parkway Drive, Bury Tomorrow, Sylosis, Bleed From Within, Slaughter to Prevail, Gojira, Paleface Swiss, Whitechapel, Fit for a King, Currents, Left to Suffer, Thy Art Is Murder, Machine Head, A Day to Remember, Metallica, Mötley Crüe, Slipknot… etc etc etc.
Can’t promise I won’t judge your playlist. Can promise I’ll do it out loud.
Dogs are my life. I had a Border Collie who was my world—my everything. She still is. I talk about her like she’s still here. I do dog sitting now and get to love on all sorts of different doggies. 🥰
My most favourite place in the world is Dumfries and Galloway in Scotland. I try to go as much as possible and hope one day to live there permanently. 🏴
If you’ve made it this far—congrats. You’re either intrigued or terrified. Both are valid.
Low-key looking for someone to fall in love with me by accident. Any takers? 🖤
