What's that? Bored you say? Not enough interesting or fulfilling things to do at this very moment? Perish the thought, and if you wish a remedy, read on- but before you proceed any further, there's a couple things you should know:
1. While it is true, and verifiable by SCIENCE that pie is the most perfect food ever, I do also greatly admire milkshakes.
2. As an U.S. Army Paratrooper, I have managed to make Airborne insertions less tactical by shouting “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” at the top of my lungs every-time I exit an aircraft. This also greatly displeases the ground crew at DFW International Airport.
3. The three things in the world I fear most are (in order of my aversion);
I. Pineapples (A.K.A. “The Devil's Fruit”)
II. c**kroaches
III. Carmel, in all it's confections. (The exception being “Twix” bars.)
4. No, I will not explain why, nor is it funny.
5. I have been accused by my literati cohorts of not writing enough recently. This is simply not true. Much like a child at pre-school, I am not sharing enough.
6. I take great pride in being a godfather to my nephew, Alexander.
7. While my spiritual and political beliefs are clearly stated not only in my profile, but to a degree by the virtue of being a member to this site, I feel it necessary to expand upon my basic world view. I honestly believe that everyone, at their core, desires to perform “good” actions as defined by a moral code we all feel present within ourselves. For further elaboration by a very keen gentleman, please refer to C.S. Lewis' “Mere Christianity”.
8. For some inexplicable reason, I feel the urge to place any toddler I see on my shoulders, make “Godzilla” noises, and stomp about loudly.
9. I am incapable of watching a movie in the theatre without consuming “Twizzlers”.
10. I am always the “Big Spoon”.
11. Whenever I carry a pistol (which in the United States is not often), I inadvertently hum the “James Bond” theme aloud. I like to think of this as my “early warning system”. While I feel it improves the mood dramatically, it is apparently not the smartest thing to do while deployed to Afghanistan.
12. While I am incapable of discussing something in a calm, responsible, and adult manner (At least not until after nap-time, and a light snack), I do not at all think it is unreasonable to expect our world leaders to be able to.
13. Tragically, I was born without an “inside voice”.
14. I am constantly cheerful because despite all attempts to prove otherwise, since there is no reason not to be.
15. While I am proud of my military service, I do not let this define me as a sole trait. There were many aspects to me before joining, and as I get ready to transition from active duty to the reserves in Memphis, there will be many new aspects to me afterwards.
16. Despite factoid number 12, I am in truth a complete adult, and as such, come with a complete adult kit! Yup, that means car, job, and education. All in all, a fairly maintenance-free sort of fella'. (I'm also the sort of fella' that says “fella'”.)
17. While I am not Johnny Problem, I have been accused of being both the reincarnated spirit of Neal Cassady, as well as The Patron Saint of Lost Causes.
18. In the Memphis area Metal and Hardcore scene, I am known only as "Cupcake".
19. I am an expert in hyperbole, a vetren in theory, and an outlaw in practice. I'm also apparently an ENFJ.
20. I absolutely believe it's possible to save the world, find meaning in your life, and genuinely be happy with no catch, conspiracy, or crazy hooks. Don't believe so? Let's have a conversation about that.
