my whole life i'v felt alone.of course i had family. but when ever i tried to make a friend they would turn there backs on me and i would be left behind. i didn't know why, i thought maybe i cared too much. after years of that thought in mind i started to make a shell to keep my emotions in. i felt like a robot had taken my place, that would "wake up" now and again. on the outside i acted like i was fine but i was far from it. i felt like people would look past me, it was as if i didn't exist. so i would do anything to be seen and i made sure i was different like i was me and no one else.but there were things i did that i regret even today. but time passed and i was forgotten. i started to not care about anything. all i would want to do is go home and play video games and i would sleep for long periods of time to get my mind off everything, and i wouldn't feel like getting up and i would sleep in school which made my grades poor,but i didn't care. i'd dream about suicide, in ways that i would protect the people i liked and care about even if they didn't really know me.the dream would be about me pushing someone out of the way from danger and i would slowly die on the floor. it made me feel like i had a purpose in life.i'm probably the most kindest person to just about anyone. i hate most of the people i come across, mostly because the way they look down on me and i am jealous for the happiness they have but i did not. i also get mad at people who complain about problems that feel painless to the pain of my own. i would get into fights, i was happy because i felt superior because any pain they would inflict on me wasn't going to hurt like the pain inside. i would skip school to get away from the people that had so much hatred against me. when i did this i felt more alone then i would ever before.
