in a relationship, i can't stand being ignored. i know people have lives, but, honestly, it doesn't take much to respond to a text within 24 hours, you know? anyway. i'll never understand why people pretend to be someone they aren't. wishful thinking? i mean, i have a child, he's 9. why do me dirty? i'm a single-handed mother. my son does not know his biological father and knows his daddee to be a man i've been broken up with for 4 years, who now lives in texas and i get minimal assistance with childcare from my kin...
anyhow, no one seems to measure up to my standards. it seems like all the super-s*xy guys like fat, hispanic-looking girls. well, i'm neither. and yet, that's who i end up getting cheated on with. i probably have a form of body-dismorphia, i have extremely low self-esteem, can't take a compliment for s**t...but i know i'm not fat or hideous facially.
i also know that i'm a damn good girlfriend. i'm a ride or die bitch, for real. even those whom left me for another female (be it for convenience or just going back to a bad habit) have stated this afterward. i'm down for my dude, for real. i've been called "the baddest bitch...i've never had a fan like you...the bonnie to my clyde..." because, that's how it's supposed to be, right? i mean, i'm me, i have beliefs. respect them, don't try to run all over me. and if you let me run all over you, i will. then i'll leave. i want a man, not a dog, and when i start to lash out and act a fool, i need someone to put me in my place.
i've been told that i'll never get what i want most because no one will be able to respect me and love me if they do me how i want them to do me in bed. i hope that's not true. don't misunderstand, i'm no s**t. exhibitionist? maybe. extremely sexual? yes. but monogamy is mandatory, for safety and health both physically and emotionally. my self-esteem is low enough and i don't share well. i'm very territorial. and all about respect. i'm 30+ now, i don't have time and energy to waste on fronting and pretending and games, even though that seems to be how people succeed anymore. (which is sad.)
i'm a contradiction. i try to uphold buddhist principles, then i get done dirty and throw it all out the window. i like wearing tutus, but i'm terrible at girly things, i don't ever carry a purse even. i'm lonely, but i dislike most people because they're stupid. i'm kind and caring, but i'll smash people for wrong-doings. i'm the go-to **** when someone needs something, but i don't do the same for myself, and i don't have someone in my life i can always go to. i like simplistic happiness, yet things always are so complicated.
this is not likely an appropriate description for this site. oh well, i'm not going back to re-write it, i got s**t to do.
and, lastly, i just don't date non-whites. sorry if that makes me an asshole for having a preference, but, that's how it is. actually, i don't apologize, i shouldn't have to. and, i don't check this much, it's part of being a responsible single-handed mother. i also rarely log out of thing and leave windows/tabs open, so if it says i'm online, i may not be?? when i do, i have to weed through the non-whites and hatemail i get sent (i actually got a message once accusing me of child abuse??!), so i don't get to respond right away. please don't get all angry, that's just weird.
